Being needed is an interesting thing. An interesting relationship between you, the person who is needed, and whomever the person or people are that need you. It's an interesting dynamic, being needed. When you're needed it's almost like a high or something similar. There is a deep part of each person which craves the feelings and emotions that come with being needed by someone else. What is unfortunate about being needed is that the need can actually kill you. When relationships are out of balance, the need is the only thing that keeps you in a relationship. I am not specifically talking about romantic and intimate relationships, it could be relationships with co-workers or friends or family members or lovers or even jobs and volunteer positions. The problem with being needed and being the source which fills the void is that inevitably the emptiness, the void, the thing which needs you will one day be filled or satisfied and then you will have to change and adapt to fill in the other area's where there is a void or a need.
What you need instead is to be wanted.
When you're needed you are acting within a performance based mentality. When you cannot fulfill your duties of being the solution you will be discarded and left for dead. But when you are wanted, there is no need to perform, there is no need for a performance review, there is zero possibility of being dropped, being kick to the side, being left for dead, being discarded for something or someone else. You are wanted and no one and nothing else will satisfy that want.
My Pastor told me years ago while we were talking about the status of the relationship I was involved in, "Anthony, so long as you need her, you'll never have a good relationship." At the time, I didn't understand what he was saying and it's still difficult to wrap my head around the concept, but tonight as I was driving to a local coffee house to work I had the thought "You don't want to be needed, you want to be wanted."
In my life, I can see where almost all of my decisions have been based off my desire to be needed. In the spirit of being transparent, there is a new young adult ministry that launched at the church I work for. In the staff meeting when our Pastor announced the new Saturday night service, I felt "lead" to volunteer myself as the young adult stage manager. I am employed by the church in the main services as the stage manager and felt the new young adult ministry would need my ability and my services as well. Obviously at the moment I didn't say to myself, "They need me. Go volunteer your time so you'll feel needed and complete." At the time I thought I was hearing the "voice of God." Actually it was some deep, dark, unidentifiable void in my life that was craving to fill the void, it was craving the feelings of being needed.
After some time volunteering for this ministry I have lost my grace for it. Every moment I spend "filling the need" I become discouraged and agitated and bitter. Is it because I've lost my grace for the position or is it because I sought to volunteer myself in order to feel needed and when those feelings didn't reciprocate I began feeling angry and alone and lonely and upset and bitter and feeling like I was missing something. Let it be known that I am not writing about or referring to anyone expect myself.
I throw myself into a relationship or a situation or position to feel like I am needed and when I do so from a wounded or broken place or an unhealthy place of being needed the entire situation or relationship or scenario is destined to fail and come crashing down around me.
John was not the "disciple whom Jesus needed." I don't think Jesus needed anything or anyone. John was the "disciple whom Jesus loved." To love someone is not to need them, to love someone is to want them.
In my relationship with Jesus I live out of the place of needing Him. We are trained to need God and we do need Him. But a relationship should never begin from a place of need, a relationship should begin from a place of want. We preach and teach and tell people that they need Jesus in order to gain access into Heaven and avoid the flames of hell. This is true, but I don't know if I want to live my life from a place of need with consideration to my relationship with Jesus or anyone for that matter. I have always been a struggling follower of Jesus and I cannot help but wonder if that is because I have needed Him for too long. I need Jesus when I'm having a bad day. I need Jesus when I'm sick or when I'm tired or when I don't have enough money or when I'm this or that. What if I wanted Him instead. No matter what was happening in life or how I felt I just wanted Him.
The truth is I have always needed you, the reader of this blog. I have needed to look at the statistics to see how many people were reading my blogs so that I could feel like I wrote something good or popular or true or helpful. Maybe I don't need you.
Eh, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm the crazy one. Maybe you've been living your life out of the constant need to be needed or a feeling that you need someone or something else when actually you don't. You might want that someone or something else, I suppose that's fine. But what if you stepped away from that person, place, or thing because you actually didn't need it/them at all.
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