The clock that turns backwards.

I work as a salesman at a local retail store in my hometown of Syracuse, NY.
In all of our stores there is a clock, not a beautiful or decorative clock, just a simple, round, black with white numbers clock.  In one store the clock reads 15 minutes faster than any of the other stores.  Then there is the clock in our store located in a specific location, this clock is very special because it runs backwards.  That's right.  For no apparent reason the clock began turning backwards one day.  I noticed it last week when I was working in the store.  I stopped and looked at the clock for a few moments and then captured a video of the clock and sent it to a friend saying in the text, "notice anything different here?"

For the last 9 days I've been thinking about this clock.  I've been thinking about the significance of this clock and the fact that it turns backwards.  I was walking around the store this evening and stopped once more to observe the second hand ticking in reverse.

There are things in my life that I regret.  Well, maybe regret is too strong of a word.  There are things I've said and done in my years that I would appreciate another shot at.  Not that I regret them as in I sit down from time to time and become saddened or upset with myself for decisions I've made.  Because of the decisions I've made in life I find myself where I currently am, and that's okay with me.  However, I can dream sometimes of what it would be like to have another chance at certain moments that happened throughout life.

I wonder what it would be like if my life clock began to tick backwards one day.  What if someone above decided to press the rewind button on my life and rewound everything to a certain time, and then pressed record allowing me another shot from that moment on.  What would I do differently?  Would I understand that this was my second chance?  Would I do things differently or would I handle everything the same way?

If I had another shot at life I know one thing for certain, I would love better and more frequently and I would have created a vision for my life and followed it.

Throughout my life I've always found it easy to love people.  Family members, Friends, Girlfriends, co-workers, and perfect strangers.  I've always been a man that threw myself into loving people entirely.  There have been times where that love was handled in incorrect ways, times where that love was rejected, times where I've walked away feeling like I did something wrong.  When you love someone you are not doing anything wrong and that's a lesson I'm still struggling to learn.

Choosing to love people is not as easy a task as you'd think.  Sure, choosing to love people you already love is easy, but choosing to love everyone is very hard.  I don't wake up in the morning and look forward to making a difference in someones day.  I wake up and become instantly preoccupied with my little world and the days agenda.  It's usually not until I'm out driving around that I remind myself to make someone have a better day by loving them.

That's where vision comes into play.  I think If I set a vision for my life and follow the way of that vision, well then I'd have an easier time sticking true to the plan.
If I set a life vision for myself that I'll change people's lives by simply helping them have better days I'd be more prone to constantly put others before myself and help make their days better.  If I don't set that vision for my life I'll get off track, or maybe I won't even be on the track because it doesn't exist for my life.

What I have learned is that it doesn't matter what you've done or what's been done to you in your past so long as you learn from what's happened up to this point in life.  Sure, shitty things happen, welcome to the world we live in.  The one thing everyone has in common is that life can deal us all some shitty cards.  However, by not learning from those shitty experiences, by giving yourself a licensee to shut down or hide away from life or love because you don't want to be hurt again, well that just furthers the wounds inflicted.  That, I believe, is where real regret comes into play.

What's the best way to live a life without regret?  Learn from your past and move forward in life.  Don't construct walls to hide your pain, let your pain roam about freely and deal with its awkwardness.  After your pain has run around the track a few times and it gets tired, go kill it.  Don't let your pain control you, move forward and leave the past in the past.

Psalm 65:3

"Iniquities and much varied guilt prevail against me; [yet] as for our transgressions, You forgive and purge them away [make atonement for them and cover them out of Your sight]!" (Psalm 65:3 AMP)

I love this verse. There is nothing more freeing to me than the wonderful grace of God and that He chooses to forgive us of all of our sins when we repent and turn towards Him.

I read this verse on April 5th of this year as a part of my daily Bible reading and journaling. That morning I wrote this in my journal, "What an awesome verse for me today! All morning I've been feeling guilty and ashamed for my stupid past. This verse came at the best possible time. I need to always remember these words when the devil begins reminding me of my failures and tries to drag me down into shame and suffering."

I went through a rough time in life where I was beating myself up for every wrong and foolish thing I'd done. I spent days depressed and broken, scrutinizing every detail of my life and how I should've done things differently. I spent nights alone on my floor crying for no apparent reason. All I could muster to say was, "I'm sorry."

Through those nights I began to encounter Jesus on a real level. I would feel Him in my room and I could hear Him tell me "It's okay. I forgive you and I love you." Those days and nights changed my life and I thank God I came out having dealt with my past and allowing God to forget it for me.

Though sadly, I realize that the majority of Christians don't have the same experience as I did. They go through the guilt, shame, and depression but they don't always come out of those lonely nights feeling set free. Instead, they emerge feeling worse than before and questioning their motives throughout life. What's worse is that sometimes, those people are our leaders within the church. Heck, on some level, it's you and I.

You are where you are because of the decisions you've made up to this point in life. Your perception of life, the world, God, and who you are is based on your past experiences and decisions. How you handled getting over your mistakes and failures, your wounds and hurts, and your lost or broken relationships, changes your perception of who you are today.

Maybe as a child your father was very demanding. Perhaps he expected perfection and anything less made him become angry and bitter towards you. As you grew older you internalized those demands from your father and today anything less than perfection leads into self hatred and depression. You feel great about yourself so long as things are going perfect but when one little thing doesn't turn out how you expected you begin to get angry. You sit inside your home for days, you take on a negative identity and tell your self how much of a failure you are and how life isn't going anywhere.

Obviously that isn't true and it's not from God. God doesn't talk like that to His sons and daughters. What happens is when we fail or when we make mistakes, the enemy comes into our lives and tries to drag us down farther. He begins throwing shame and self-hatred in our direction and reminds us of other times we failed in life. Most people will receive that shame and self-hatred and allow it to drag them down further into despair. Then they live their lives and interact with others based out of that despair and self-hatred and then inflict those feelings on the people they encounter.

Instead, we should turn to Jesus, take on verses like Psalms 65:3 and believe God loves us and that He forgives our sins and failures and forgets they ever existed. When we accept that as truth we live our lives based out of continual love for God, love for ourselves, and love for others. We become inspired people that see the best in ourselves and the world around us.

How do you see yourself? Do you see yourself as a failure, as a screw-up? Or do you see yourself as a child of God that has made mistakes but moves forward?