When we get close to people and they get close to us, our problems and issues and cracks in our foundation begin to show and reveal themselves. We go from our normal, surface level self to the person with the fear of abandonment or the person with a guarded heart or whatever the issue may be.
Let's be clear, everyone has their issues they carry around. Everyone has those quirks, those behaviors, those thoughts or feelings or whatever it is that is a part of who they are. For example, I struggle with intimacy, not in giving intimacy or allowing people to become close to me, I struggling with allowing everyone close to me, too close. I struggle with giving too much of my heart away to anyone and everyone that seems interested. This plays itself out in my life in areas where I have unhealthy boundaries because I never establish those boundaries in the first place in relationships.
Others have been hurt so many times in the past and now they won't allow others into their heart, they remain guarded and defensive when others try to get close. Both of these people flesh their issues out in various ways but both are treated using the same methods.
The central issue is identity. We forget all too quickly our real and true identity. We have been hurt before, our parents divorced, a lover cheated on us or abandoned us, a friend said words out of their wounding that caused us pain, we failed at a dream, or whatever the situation was the truth is we were left thinking and viewing ourselves as failures, as being unlovable, unworthy, untrustworthy, feeling we could not trust or love others because they would one day abandon and leave us or make us feel insignificant and unworthy.
We are all products of our past and more importantly we are products of how we interpreted our past inside our hearts.
Some tips are to recognize that people are operating out of their hurt and not deliberately trying to hurt you. This enables you to have mercy and grace for them and to love them enough to help bring them to a place of healing.
Another is to recognize your own hurt and wounding that plays itself out in your life. If you are unaware of those areas in your life, take some quiet time and get alone and ask your heart where it has been hurt. Then listen to your heart and process what you hear.
The truth is you are loved and accepted and deserve to be loved, cherished, accepted, fruitful, and to have quality relationships with others who build you up and love you well.
In all things share love, accept love, share mercy and grace and allow your heart to be open and free inside of a healthy environment.