What community has shown me about myself.

A few months ago I was meeting with my Pastor over coffee at a local community friendly Cafe. (Cafe 407). He had suggested that I should consider starting some kind of bible group among people I knew. He told me I could use the church building and that he would help me in anyway I needed. For weeks I was against the idea. Something about it just seemed like I would be selling myself, or trying to sell myself, to people. The idea made me feel like a televangelist without the suit or satellites TV's.

Awhile later I was sitting in that same cafe drinking my coffee and thinking through some new idea's with Jesus. I noticed they had a separate meeting room that they rented out during the week. I asked the manager how much it was to rent out their community room and found it was only $15 an hour.

I sat down and my mind began racing. I began thinking how it would look and feel to start a community oriented bible group. I had trouble controlling the speed of my thoughts and idea's. It was like drinking coffee right before I went to sleep, my dreams were racing through my mind.

I began researching community bible groups. I started remembering idea's I had heard or experienced before about new ways to have church.
A friend of mine had started a community oriented home church a few years prior and I began remembering our conversations in the past.

I would meet Scott for coffee and he and I would talk about his church, or how he was developing their community and such. At the time of our conversations I would have a hard time connecting with his idea's of what community should be. Partly because scott is a genius when it comes to community, Jesus, and the bible. I hadn't experienced the need for community within the church or in my own life and so I found it hard to relate to or understand some of the things he and I would speak about.

I met with my pastor and began talking to him about my idea for the community bible group. It was a funny conversation because it's basically what he had suggested to me months ago. It just felt different to me, this concept of a community bible group. It wasn't me trying to get strangers to show up and hear me preach. It was the idea of developing a community of people together in a non-threatening environment where we could help disciple and mentor one another collectively.

It's been an interesting and revealing month since we began meeting together.
I have immediately been made aware of the spiritual weight involved in leading a community. It's sobering to understand what I bring to the community will either bring life or death to the individual.

While preparing and thinking through what we'll learn together when we meet, I've been forced to reach deep within my own heart and bring to the surface things that cause momentary discomfort. I'm sharing with the group and discussing some of the darker times in my life. Why would I share such revealing secrets to people I've really only known for a few weeks? Because it's important to open ourselves up. It's important to take risks with each other. When we become mannequins inhabiting space together we never change. The personal growth process means we take risks emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Sometimes those risks back fire and we get hurt, and sometimes they pay off. Either way we grow.

I'm learning that personal healing and growth comes from reaching inside on a continual basis and presenting the community with my heart, however dark parts of it may be.
I'm also realizing that the worst thing I could ever do, the one thing that would destroy any hope for deep, real, and meaningful community would be to fake who I really am.
When I try to hide who I really am as a person, I destroy the community as a whole.

What Does A Real Pastor Look Like

"Brothers and sisters, we were separated from you for a while physically but not in our hearts. We made every effort in our desire to see you again face-to-face. We wanted to come to you—I, Paul, tried over and over again—and Satan stopped us. What is our hope, joy, or crown that we can brag about in front of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Isn’t it all of you? You are our glory and joy!" (1 Thessalonians 2:17-20 CEB) I've never had what I would consider a "real pastor" in my life. I take that back, my Uncle Jim is a "real pastor" and was in my life as my pastor for a little over a year, but I was young and really didn't understand things yet, so I didn't understand that not every church leader is a pastor, until last year. We have the 5 fold gifts or offices: Pastor, Prophet, Apostle, Evangelist, and Teacher. But not every church leader is a pastor. I worked with a "pastor" for two years until I learned that he was really not a pastor. He was a prophet and an evangelist. This became a big deal when I came to a point in my life where I didn't need a prophet as the main influence in my life. I needed a pastor - a true pastor. Pastors are more relational than the Prophet, Evangelist, Teacher, or Apostle. Having never been led by a "real pastor" when I was growing up, I never understood the importance of getting involved in someone’s life in detail. I always saw my "pastors" or church leaders out of the picture in the regular church members’ lives. For example, when a family member was in the hospital, the main "pastor" didn't show up to pray with the family, the "real pastor" did. When a church member wanted to go get coffee and speak to someone in the church the main "pastor" didn't go, the "real pastor" went instead. So growing up I always assumed that the pastor or main church leader didn't perform these tasks. What I now realize is that those main "pastors" were not pastors at all. They were prophets, teachers, apostles, or evangelists operating as pastors. Now that I am older and moving towards a place in life where I am beginning to understand which area of ministry I want to participate and focus, I am realizing that I have the heart of a "real pastor". I love getting involved in people’s lives on a daily basis. I love going out for coffee with someone and being involved in their love, their hurt, their fear, and their joy. I love listening to them and praying with them, and sharing new things I'm discovering in my relationship with Jesus. I enjoy inspiring them to walk into a deeper relationship with God. I also enjoy giving and being a part of prophetic ministry and evangelism. But I need to be a bigger part of a person’s life than the prophet and evangelist. If the Lord gives me a prophetic word for someone I want to be around them to see how that word plays out. I don't want to simply breeze into a town, says some good words, pray some powerful prayers, collect my offering and move on to the next town. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with those types of ministers. Each one of the 5 gifts or ministries is vitally important to the overall health of the church body. All I am saying is, as I've grown up I've realized that I cannot work in that style of ministry. I enjoy living in people’s lives through the good, bad, and the ugly. I love the verse above where Paul says "What is our hope, joy, or crown that we can brag about in front of our Lord Jesus when He comes? Isn’t it all of you?" When I read this verse, I can picture myself standing with the Lord on that glorious day. He'll ask me "What did you do with the name of Jesus?" and I'll respond by telling Him the stories of each person I lived life with and how I helped them by discipling, mentoring, and loving them. "I didn't lead millions to You, but let me tell You about Jason and how through my relationship with You I was able to introduce Jason into that same loving relationship I shared with You." As I get older I am seeing more and more how vitally important it is for us as Christians, to live a more personal and intimate life with one another. We need to become invested in each others’ lives. The older generation has to mentor and disciple the younger generation in the ways of the Lord. We have to love each other in more radical ways. What appeal does the church have if we don't have love? Without love don't we become a clanging cymbal? I look into some church communities and see a bride that has been abused, that has been self-centered, that has not been pastored, that has not been genuinely loved. It's not their fault. It's just the way Christianity went for a few years. My heart breaks for those communities. Those are the people I want to love. Those are the people I want to inspire through my relationship with Jesus. I'd like to encourage you to pray and ask The Lord to bring you into the lives of people that need you. Call someone on the phone and ask them out for coffee, get involved in peoples lives on a very real level. Don't be afraid, don't be superficial, and don't be arrogant. Love people, after all that's what life is all about.