We're told from our pastors and church leaders to "repent of our sins and turn to Jesus."
I don't know if it's so much that I was told or shown what it meant to repent and turn to Jesus or that I just assumed I knew what it meant, but I have had a misconstrued view of that meaning for quite some time.
I always thought if I were to repent, to have a change of heart from sin to Christ, that I would look more like a man that attended church regularly, tithed consistently, read my bible daily, and prayed unceasingly. Those are some characteristics of what a modern godly man may look like, but it's not what the Bible says in regards to repentance.
I've always placed too much pressure on myself. I've had this debilitating fear of failing in life. A fear of failing at work, in creativity, in serving at church, fear of failing in relationships. This same fear of failing at being a "good Christian" has also kept me from repenting at times. I don't want to repent if I know I'm going to fail again. What's the point in that? If I repent, if I have that change of heart then I should never return to that same sin, right? That thought and fear has kept me from, I believe, truly and completely connecting with God in my life.
We've all heard those stories of the brilliant men and women that formed this country and how they failed time and time again, yet still pressed forward towards their success. Even Walt Disney, for example, went bankrupt something like seven times before he became a success. We are encouraged to take risks, to move forward and push fear to the side.
What I find more helpful is found in Luke 3:8 and 3: 10-14.
"Prove by the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God...
The crowds asked, “What should we do?”John replied, “If you have two shirts, give one to the poor. If you have food, share it with those who are hungry.” Even corrupt tax collectors came to be baptized and asked, “Teacher, what should we do?” He replied, “Collect no more taxes than the government requires.” “What should we do?” asked some soldiers. John replied, “Don’t extort money or make false accusations. And be content with your pay.” (Luke 3:8, 10-14 NLT)
John tells the people to prove by the way they live that they've repented. And how do they do this? They share what they have with the less fortunate. "If you have two shirts give one to the poor. If you have food, share it with those who are hungry."
That doesn't sound anything like what I've grown up believing.
It's a self-centered christianity. That's what I've lived for so long. It's about me first and when I'm all set and in order with God I can begin to think about those around me who are struggling. But Jesus didn't come to preach a self-centered faith. Jesus came to reach out to the poor, the needy, the cold, the broken, the sick, the lost, the outcasts of society.
When Jesus was picking His disciples he didn't go to the local religious schools or to the temple and inquire about the most knowledgable in the law of Moses, nor did He seek the person that's been serving the best in the temple over the last year. No, He grabbed commercial fishermen, tax collectors, and traitors and simply said "Come, follow Me."
It's a misconception I've held for too long. Repenting does not look like more church attendance. Repentance does not mean becoming self-centered. Repentance, according to the book of Luke, means turning my focus outward to my community, to the poor and needy, to the outcasts of society. Repentance is Love, sharing, giving, feeling, accepting, and expressing love, freely among the world.
So, that's what I'm going to do. Will I fail? Most definitely. But it's about pushing forward despite my fears and failures. It's about reaching out to the broken and giving what I have so they can enjoy and share in my life and the luxuries I hold so close.
Remember, we don't belong to a self-centered faith. We constantly push our focus outward to the world Jesus loves and came to save.
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