tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-71356352235601063102024-03-12T21:01:13.349-07:00Anthony's blog.Hi,
My name is Anthony.
This is my blog.
Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.comBlogger157125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-60144679145939842292016-06-19T18:19:00.000-07:002016-06-19T18:19:10.790-07:00John in Syracuse <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">
I went to my office in Downtown Syracuse last night to work a little before going home for the evening. I finished one project and went down to the street for a cigarette break before starting another project I needed to complete. </div>
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I was standing outside, smoking and looking at flights I wanted to book when I turned around and noticed a tall homeless guy walking in my direction. I turned my back to him, hoping he wasn’t going to ask me for anything. Over the last few months I have felt myself becoming less and less connected to people. I once would pursue strangers, seek out the opportunity to help someone or be a means for someone else to have a better day, lately I have been focussed only on myself and have given little to no concern for others.</div>
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The man walked closer to me and asked if I could spare a smoke. </div>
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“Sure.” I said.</div>
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I walked towards my car and honestly hoped I didn’t turn around to see him holding a knife. I pulled out four or five cigarettes and gave them to him along with my lighter. I closed the door when he asked if I had a dollar so he could get something to drink. I didn’t have any cash but I did have a compartment full of change in my car. I went back to the car and reached inside for the change, again hoping I didn’t turn around to see him holding a knife.</div>
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“It’s not much but it’s all I’ve got on me, if you don’t mind the coins.” I said as I handed him about $2.</div>
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“No this is great. Are you sure it’s not going to hurt you to give it up?” He said with what seemed like genuine concern.</div>
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“No, not at all.” I replied.</div>
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I walked with him down the block a little bit and we talked. </div>
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“What’s your name?” I asked.</div>
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“My name is John. What’s yours?” He asked as he reached out to shake my hand.</div>
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“Anthony.” I replied.</div>
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“Are you from around here?” He asked.</div>
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“Yea, I live up in Westvale.” I replied.</div>
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“Have you always been from Syracuse?”</div>
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“No. I grew up in Kentucky for a little bit before coming here and then lived in Texas for a couple of years, but I moved back here last year.”</div>
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“That’s nice.” John replied.</div>
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“What about you? Where are you from?”</div>
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“Oh, I’m from here. Been to Pennsylvania once or twice and Canada when I was a little kid.” John said.</div>
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I finished my smoke at the corner and told John it was nice to meet him and then headed back towards the office. After a minute I looked back and ran towards John and called out his name. </div>
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“Hey man, do you need prayer for anything at all?” I said.</div>
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“No brother, I’m alright.”</div>
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“Okay. Well take it easy man.” I said.</div>
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I walked back to the office, now two blocks away, and couldn’t help but think how selfish and conceited I have been lately. I get upset and frustrated when life doesn’t pan out exactly how I wanted it to. I struggle with such minor details of life while someone like John is walking down the streets of Syracuse, homeless and asking a stranger for a smoke and a dollar and is concerned enough to ask me if I can spare the change I just gave him.</div>
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There’s no obvious spiritual point to this story and maybe this doesn’t mean anything to you, but it was eye-opening to me. I have been struggling with getting my life back on track, with trying to understand why I have been so down for the last few months and not giving one moment of concern for those in the community and in my life that actually need help. And then I meet John, a tall white guy with dirty dreadlocks and a once white t-shirt now stained brown, who is concerned enough about me to ask if I can spare the $2 and not be hurt by sacrificing my spare change.</div>
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Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-85123417581844612112015-08-24T09:11:00.001-07:002015-08-24T09:11:12.958-07:00Rocks<div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>My family has a lake house located in upstate New York on one of the five finger lakes. If you walk outside of our lake house and down about a quarter of a mile you will find a creek that begins somewhere and empties out into the freezing lake. If you happen to follow the creek up from where it empties into the lake you will eventually dead end into the bottom of a water fall. It takes about two miles or so to reach the bottom of the first of many waterfalls and when you arrive you are taken aback back the sheer beauty of the creation.</div><div><br></div><div>One of my favorite things to do is to climb up to the base of the waterfall where there is a little pool that collects and filters the running water coming off the rocks with amazing force. The pool stretches eight feet wide, six feet long, and God only knows how deep. The water is colder than cold and has a clear brown color to it. Just on the other side of the pool and just before you fall off a smaller waterfall about six feet tall, there sits a flat rock, it stands one inch above the cascading water and is around four feet in diameter. It is a dangerous place to walk out on because of the rushing water and the slippery surface, a wrong step could send you falling those six feet to the rocks beneath. However, there is something I love to experience when I am alone at the base of this waterfall. I love to walk out on those slippery rocks, sit down in the cold water, and feel the rush and sprays of the chilling water as it thrashes off the rocks and sprays into my face. There is a rushing wind that helps the spraying water travel farther than if the water simply fell down on its own. </div><div><br></div><div>As I sit there on my rock I close my eyes and feel the rushing wind and the spraying mist and listen to the sound of the crashing and thrashing water all around me. There comes, in these moments, feelings of something greater than myself, something Holy and also terrifying at the same time and I get a sense of angels standing around me, guarding this masterpiece created and formed my God Himself.</div><div><br></div><div>Last week I journeyed on a hike to this sacred place. After my time alone by the water and wind I journeyed back down the flowing creek. As I walked along I noticed the pools of standing water I found laying on top of massive boulders. I reached into the flowing water and picked up little stones and I thought about how these stones used to be a part of something much larger and far greater. These stones were once a part of a massive mountain, after being thrashed and beaten by the water and the wind and the elements they had become separated and found themselves at the bottom of a cold creek. I picked up a large rock that was shaped like an egg and was the size of a football. I picked the rock up and threw it as high into the air as I could and waited for it to smash into pieces against the ground. Eventually it split precisely in half and as I looked inside I knew that I was the first person to stare into the center of this formation in literally thousands of years and that was humbling to think, here was something forged over centuries, made by the wind and the water and the heat and the cold and the surrounding elements. A rock that had been created millions of years ago and was what it was because of the trials it had endured. It was not ground to powder, it was still big and still strong.</div><div><br></div><div>In my life I want God to work in me rather quickly. I want the millions of years of process to be condensed into a single prayer or a single encounter or a single church service. While there are times when God will change me in a moment, there is still a process to endure, there is still a life to walk out, there are still elements I must face that will not grind me into a powder but will shape me and form me and make me who I will eventually become. The trials I face today will only make me who I am tomorrow. </div><div><br></div><div>What process have we avoided in life because the pain was too strong? What elements do we need to experience that we have ran from because we were insecure? How can we embrace the process for change and not lose ourselves along the way?</div><div><br></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaA9HOQ9mpULoykeVlJwX9wtZuV3Cpzk5ZtNE_5VMt9TJCbOZ04WVqvePkHac-OmHXF8fyJJWxRShX-HDn8i0lks3bg1vNzHlp1jCpbhtCQkT47JLNRtA8ivTV7x3R1cay6_zgLtahjgNC/s640/blogger-image--1942791468.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaA9HOQ9mpULoykeVlJwX9wtZuV3Cpzk5ZtNE_5VMt9TJCbOZ04WVqvePkHac-OmHXF8fyJJWxRShX-HDn8i0lks3bg1vNzHlp1jCpbhtCQkT47JLNRtA8ivTV7x3R1cay6_zgLtahjgNC/s640/blogger-image--1942791468.jpg"></a></div>Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-77177451725346580112015-08-11T21:17:00.001-07:002015-08-11T21:17:59.647-07:00My City<div>I have recently moved back home, Syracuse New York....I think I already told you about that. </div><div><br></div><div>I love being back home. The sights, the smells, the air, the people, being closer to my family, everything about this city I love. Four years ago I began to hate my city and almost everything about it. I hated the sights, the air, almost all the people, and just about everything else. I hated this city so much that I dreamed of making my escape, I did nothing except talk about and read about how much I needed to move and leave and run far, far away to find myself. Well, I am not sure if I found myself over the last two years or not but I have changed.</div><div><br></div><div>I have been driving around the city, looking at all the new businesses, noticing the older buildings that have been upgraded and changed, the older stores that have finally closed down and shut their doors after years of struggling. I have connected again with old friends and found ways in how they have grown and in ways they have stayed the same. The roads still have potholes, which makes driving sometimes frustrating. There are still worse parts of the city than others. My favorite tea shop has adjusted their culture a bit and there are more people sitting inside than I would care for. And although things have changed, there is still a familiarity within the belly of the city that I love. The air is cool and the scenery is still beyond enjoyable. The streets still hold some of my best and some of my worst memories, familiar streets are hard to turn down because of those memories, but I still love my city, my home.</div><div><br></div><div>As I drove home the other night from visiting with friends, I played a soft song, hung my arm out the window, and smoked my pipe, and I couldn't help but connect myself and my life to the life of my city. </div><div><br></div><div>I have been gone for two years and in that time both myself and my city have changed. Parts of us have shut down and closed up shop, we have both matured in that way. Myself and my city have made upgrades in certain area's, we have restored our foundations and thrown some paint on our exterior. And myself and my city have opened new places and new spaces. </div><div><br></div><div>I have come home, not with my tail tucked between my legs, but with an understanding that life is moving forward and progressing and I need to love myself enough and respect myself enough to keep from judging who I am and what I need to work on in my life.</div><div><br></div><div>One of the more difficult aspects of being a christian is knowing and being able to hold back judgement, especially directed at myself. I would say that I am my best and worst critic, I have a natural ability to point out my own flaws and bully myself into change. It is too easy to look around and notice those things in my life I want changed. But I don't know if that is what I should be engaging in, I don't know if that is the best use of my time and ability. </div><div><br></div><div>Instead of looking where I am currently and dreaming about my escape maybe I should just drive around with my window rolled down and look at the new additions, notice the places and spaces that have been closed, appreciate that upgrades. Essentially, maybe I should have more grace for myself. I can look at myself from a distance and appreciate who I am, where I have come from, and know where I am going, or at least where I am going in the moment. Above all else, I think this is how Jesus would want me to view myself. As someone who is solid, someone who has a lot to offer, someone who has made changes in some area's and upgraded other area's and has even closed down shop in the places that were just not working for anyone. I think Jesus would want me to be more content with who I am and He would want me to stop trying to plan my escape and He would want me to stop criticizing myself. </div><div><br></div><div>So here is to taking a drive around your city. Rolling down your window, hanging your arm outside, listening to a familiar song, and taking everything in and being okay with where you are.</div><div><br></div>Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-12997362419723411982015-08-05T14:27:00.001-07:002015-08-05T14:27:42.241-07:00The Swing of an Axe<div>There are many benefits to living back in Syracuse New York, too many to count. Four of those benefits are my dear friends, the Choat's. The man of the Choat household is my best friend, Junky Joe. Junky Joe is one of one children born to his mother and father a number of years ago. He was raised in Bakersfield California until moving to Syracuse with his family multiple years ago. Last year the mother and father of Junky Joe moved to Syracuse New York so they could be closer to their child and his family.</div><div><br></div><div>I have been assisting Junky Joe lately, a small price to pay for all the love and affection he and his family have given me throughout the years, by chopping wood for the smoker he uses to cook various meats and other foods.</div><div><br></div><div>This past Sunday I went over to the Choat household to visit with the family. After a certain amount of time the father and mother of Junky Joe came to visit with their family as well. The three of us men were sitting outside on the back deck and admiring a new wood splitter that Junky Joe had purchased to replace his firman's axe. As we talked about the new wood splitter I decided to walk down there and give the new thing a try. I walked out and grabbed a log of wood from the pile against the garage and marched it over to the chopping block. The log I grabbed had a nasty knot shooting out of the bottom of it and as the other two men walked down to join me they wondered out loud if I should put this one back and grab another log from the pile. But I had already raised the heavy wood splitter over my shoulder and the log was already standing, looking into my eyes and giving me dirty looks, and there is something that happens when a man holds something heavy and sharp, he has to prove his manhood by swinging the hardened steel and breaking something in his path. </div><div><br></div><div>What seemed like 45 minutes after the first swing was swung, the three of us men still stood taking turns trying to break and show this log who possessed the real strength. In the battle of Man vs. Wood man always wins...Always.</div><div><br></div><div>It was my turn to swing the fireman's axe and show that log who was boss. I swung down on the inferior and silly log beneath me and then pulled the blade from the hardened wood. The father of Junky Joe said something to the effect of "Wow, that boy sure is accurate!" It was nothing, really. I swung the axe and hoped as the blade swooshed towards the log that I would actually hit my mark and not skim the side and accidentally cut my foot off in the process. Apparently I did something right, something good, something successful because the father of Junky Joe was so impressed that he made mention of it out loud in the moment with me standing there listening. </div><div><br></div><div>Today, 3 days later, I was swinging that same wood splitter and chopping wooden logs for the smoker of Junky Joe. Every time I swung the handle I could hear what that old man said Sunday afternoon. I thought how accurate I was with the axe and how I needed to improve, I needed to continue to be accurate. With every swing of the handle I felt powerful, I felt like I was accomplishing something, I felt like I was good at something. I can remember as a little boy playing basketball and imaging that I was starting for the New York Knicks, all eyes in the entire stadium were on me. Every time I went for a lay-up in the school gymnasium I could see the flashes of camera lights in the arena catching my picture. </div><div><br></div><div>The father of Junky Joe said words about me on Sunday that encouraged me, they lifted me up, they made me feel amazing, and they have stuck with me now 3 days later. I am good at something, so good in fact that an old oil man from Bakersfield California noticed and said so. It is like hitting the winning home run, scoring the winning touchdown, winning the game for the home team.</div><div><br></div><div>Such simple words presented in an innocent and simple way have had such an impact on my heart. I am good at something... I am really good at something.</div><div><br></div><div>I can only wonder how much more important my words are to those closer to me. Words can sometimes lose value when we use them too often, that's one of the problems with words, it can be difficult to gauge what the current value of each word is in the moment.</div><div><br></div><div>I suppose the simple reality here is that I need to be more honest, more true, more intentional, more heartfelt. I need to choose better words that lift hearts and open minds and I need to suffocate those words that break and wound and pull down. </div><div> </div>Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-79087703472571820332015-08-03T19:54:00.001-07:002015-08-03T19:54:17.685-07:00What the Locusts have eaten<div>I am not sure of a deeper or more painful wound we can feel than that of pain and wounding inflicted upon our hearts by other human beings. Most people live a relatively regular life. Personally, I have never broken a bone besides a couple of toes. I have never had surgery of any kind, I have never been shot or stabbed, I have never been in a serious fist fight, I've been hit in the face a few times when boxing but never knocked down and kicked in the ribs repeatedly. I have never fallen from a cliff or tumbled down a hill uncontrollably breaking legs and arms along the way. I have never gone thirsty or hungry and despite some financial woes I have always been able to pay my bills. I would suggest most of the pain that we feel in life is at the hands of those closest to our lives and closest to our hearts. I can attest to this personally and unfortunately. </div><div><br></div><div>Setbacks in life, pain, hurt, fear, despair, anxiety, depression, wounding, and anything else have all originated and find their source in relationship.</div><div><br></div><div>When there is an unfortunate break in relationship of any kind, the pain and the wounding can be almost unbearable. It can feel as though life itself has changed and shifted, goals begin to take new shape, the direction and path we have been moving towards and on can shift and leave us fighting to rediscover who and where we are.</div><div><br></div><div>When relationships end or are ending I, personally have a tendency to fight. The hurt and pain I am experiencing sends messages to my head that tells me to fight back and try to wound in the same way I am feeling wounded. We have all been there at one point or another. We build the case against someone, we spend time alone talking to ourselves and thinking about everything we could have said in the last fight and argument we had with the individual in question. Then, one day the opportunity presents itself and we finally get to say all the hurtful and ugly things we have been waiting to say. Immediately, within seconds of those dark words leaving our mouths we begin feeling regret and pain that rivals the original regret and pain we felt from the relationship split.</div><div><br></div><div>As I have matured I have begun to learn the hard truth that inflicting pain on the individual who cause me pain is not the answer. Forgiveness, no matter how difficult and no matter how unfair is always the best possible solution. The difficult part about forgiveness is when there are questions your heart is wanting answers to and you do not feel you will ever receive those answers. Despite the pain, ALWAYS align yourself with forgiveness.</div><div><br></div><div>Joel 2:25 says "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten..." The locusts are the pain and hurt, the locusts are also the hurtful words we speak from our place of hurt and they are eating and destroying the field of our hearts. </div><div><br></div><div>But God is wanting to restore our hearts and to bring healing to our lives no matter the situation or relationship we have been involved in that has brought about our pain and hurt. God will always be on the side of forgiveness, no matter the offender, no matter the situation or the circumstances. There will NEVER be a situation where God will say "You're right, don't forgive them." What makes lives better is when God can not only bring healing and forgiveness to our hearts but also closure. </div><div><br></div><div>I will end this post with a question.</div><div>Who in your life do you need to forgive? Even if the person was the one inflicting all the pain and you were simply the victim. Who do you need to forgive? I would suggest that you begin praying for that person and asking God to bring healing to their hearts and blessings to their lives. As an old friend once told me, "Anthony, you can't be mad at someone you are praying for. Make sure you are always praying for people in your life."</div>Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-25786626359103848062015-08-02T19:07:00.001-07:002015-08-02T19:07:37.474-07:00Grace for myself<div>Recently I have moved back to Syracuse New York the place I would consider my home. I have lived in 5 different states and 7 different cities throughout my life but I consider Syracuse to be my home sweet home. </div><div><br></div><div>The decision to move came very abruptly. Without divulging any of the details I will simply say there came a time when I was made aware of things in my heart that I did not know still existed and I knew I needed to take care of them and make sure they never came back again. That may sound a little dramatic, but it is true.</div><div><br></div><div>There comes a time in our lives when we cross lines we swore we would never cross. I can honestly say that every time I have made a firm stance on an issue, "I will never do (fill in the blank)" I eventually do (fill in the blank). Maybe it's a form of judgment; I judge situations, people, or circumstances and then sooner or later fall into that same area myself. Whatever the reason may be, I find myself on the end of repentance and self exploration.</div><div><br></div><div>Self exploration can really, really, really suck! Especially when you are exploring those dark, cold, nasty corners of your heart and your life that you forgot existed. It seems like every day you are discovering more things about yourself that you do not like! As a matter of fact, you would never hang out with someone who had the issues that you have yourself! Each day you discover something old and something wrong in yourself and you try to find out how you can remove the problem from your life and be done with it forever.</div><div><br></div><div>I would have to say the most difficult part about this journey is the self-talk and the un-conscience thoughts you have about yourself as the days drag on. Evaluating the darkness and finding area's where you could have done better, finding area's where you know you could have been more loving, more accepting, more generous, more normal and then beating yourself up for not choosing better and for not making better choices with your words, your actions, your thoughts, and your emotions in the midst of the area. </div><div><br></div><div>I can take negativity and harshness from almost anyone but the worst sort of hatred is always self-hatred. </div><div><br></div><div>What I am beginning to learn and beginning to remind myself of is how God has so much more grace and love and acceptance for my life than I could ever have for myself. Every time I find an area where I could have been better or when I find an area that's dark and cold I tend to beat myself up and tell myself how disappointed I am in myself for my behavior. However, self-hatred is not a fruit of the spirit and I know God is not wanting me to remain in emotional purgatory because of bad decisions I have made. God has grace for me even in area's where I did not know I needed His grace. When I realize my failures and I begin to drag my head towards the ground God comes running up alongside me, He puts his arm around my shoulder and He says "Come on man! Let's try this thing again." He encourages me, He lifts me up, He reveals area's in my heart that need to be healed and He loves me through the healing. </div><div><br></div><div>It is one thing to extend grace and mercy to other people in my life and I think I am really good at doing so. But the hardest person I can have grace and mercy for is myself and I know God is wanting me to start with my own heart and to release His grace and His mercy to my heart as I continue the journey to wholeness. </div>Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-85664171356446740072015-08-01T12:28:00.001-07:002015-08-03T13:07:23.809-07:00Two Coaches<div>Baseball was big in my family when I was growing up. As legend has it, my Papaw had a shot at playing for the Cincinnati Reds but was prevented from his chance at the pro's because he was the only one in the family who could carry the keg of beer from the basement of the family bar and bring it upstairs to tap it behind the counter. </div>
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Both my brothers were talented at the sport, especially my oldest brother who was a natural and had a passion for the game. Either he viewed baseball as something he was passionate about or something to get him into a college scholarship after high school, either way he was good at what he did on the diamond. </div>
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If my oldest brother was passionate about baseball our father was a fanatic. Dad spent hours upon hours researching methods and techniques to improve our ability to hit, field, and throw the baseball. I can remember pulling pieces of rubber tubbing with a baseball attached at the end to develop arm strength. I can remember throwing a dish towel into a mirror while standing on a 2X4 to improve my balance and delivery, and I will never forget the infamous Ken Griffey Jr. "Instruct-O-Swing" contraption we would hit baseballs off of and into a backdropped net my father had built for us to be able to practice in the off season inside our family garage. </div>
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I have happy memories from my childhood involving the game of baseball and my family and I have nightmares involving the game that I have tried to erase from my memory for most of my adult years. </div>
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One of those nightmares happened when I was just a young boy, maybe 7 years old or so. It was the first year the kids were allowed to pitch during games and not have to rely on the coaches to lob the baseball directly over home plate so we could hit rockets into the outfield. It was an indoor practice our team was having in a local gymnasium. I was on the pitchers mound and I was struggling to throw a strike, in fact I had hit 6 kids who were just trying to take batting practice. My father stood behind the backstop and made hand gestures and arm movements and tried to quietly mouth instructions to me as he watched the nervousness get the better of his seven year old son. He looked like a wild character, standing back there, obviously frustrated but still loving and only wanting his young boy to succeed. My coach stood off to the side of the "field", he was a drunk with a thick mustache and was married to a woman that coached a team we considered to be our rival. I can remember my coach turning his head from watching my father give instructions to watching me hit his players in their rib cage. </div>
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After awhile the coach called timeout and asked my father to join him out on the mound. I stood there as the coach began to express how he thought my father was being a distraction to me and then watched as my father disagreed and said he was helping me. This continued for a few minutes as I stood there, my seven year old self turning and twisting my head to the left and then to the right as I followed the conversation, bewildered and confused as to what was actually taking place. All I knew was I had a few teammates crying because I'd hit them and maybe cracked a few ribs and now two adults had stopped practice to come and talk about something on the pitchers mound. </div>
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Everything sounded like noise to me until suddenly I heard my name.</div>
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"Anthony! Son, who do you want to listen to? Who do you want to coach you?" The words left the mouth of my alcoholic coach and snapped me back to reality.</div>
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Immediately I felt alone, helpless, confused, scared, worried, terrified, and any other words you can think of. I would have pissed my pants had there been enough water in my system. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. There my father and my coach stood, towering over me, both men looking down into my eyes and waiting for the answer of a seven year old to determine who would win their argument and ultimately who would walk away with their head held high and their chest puffed out. I thought this was why God created women, to settle arguments between men and determine who was more manly. Well, for whatever reason I was the one in charge of making that decision now. After what felt like an eternity and after what seemed like a thousand voices screaming the question into my ears I finally answered. </div>
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My father immediately had a look of total defeat on his face. I think I saw tears welling up in his eyes as he dropped his head down and walked back to the sidelines. My coach, with a drunk smile on his face knelt down, placed his hand on my shoulder and began to give me instructions. All I could do was watch my father walk away, obviously saddened and disappointed. Suddenly this wave of emotion swept over my body as I felt responsible for his defeat. I had given him over to the enemy, betrayed my dad to a drunk little league coach with a mustache. </div>
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The entire drive home on the dark backroads of Kentucky I sat in the front seat with my baseball glove in my lap and told my dad I was sorry, I told him I didn't mean it, I wanted to pick him but I didn't know what to do. I don't remember him saying much that night or even looking at me. I just remember seeing the glow of the dashboard lights in his face as he squeezed the steering wheel and drove us home. </div>
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Today I am 28 years old and find myself in a similar position at times in life. Frequently choosing between two people, choosing between two things, having to make the decision on who I want to coach me. </div>
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Most of the time these decisions are choosing between God and sin. What voice do I want to listen to in the moment? Do I want to listen to God or do I want to follow sin for awhile to see what happens? When God says, "She's not your wife" will I still choose to follow her for awhile anyways? The answer to that is yes. And just like when I was seven, I frequently make the wrong decision of who I want to coach me. </div>
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Thankfully, God doesn't walk away with His head tilted down to the ground looking defeated. God gracefully and loving encourages me and brings me back home and back into His arms. </div>
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Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-8943771763955304712015-07-29T08:07:00.001-07:002015-07-29T08:07:36.966-07:00Speaking to the wallOne of the most difficult things in life is being in relationship with people. Being connected to someone else whether they be friends, family members, lovers, or co-workers. Anytime we are connected to someone, anytime we are close enough to allow ourselves to be known or to see into another's heart we are standing on unstable ground. It's really all about intimacy or "into me you see" and the risk that involves. <div><br></div><div>When we get close to people and they get close to us, our problems and issues and cracks in our foundation begin to show and reveal themselves. We go from our normal, surface level self to the person with the fear of abandonment or the person with a guarded heart or whatever the issue may be. </div><div><br></div><div>Let's be clear, everyone has their issues they carry around. Everyone has those quirks, those behaviors, those thoughts or feelings or whatever it is that is a part of who they are. For example, I struggle with intimacy, not in giving intimacy or allowing people to become close to me, I struggling with allowing everyone close to me, too close. I struggle with giving too much of my heart away to anyone and everyone that seems interested. This plays itself out in my life in areas where I have unhealthy boundaries because I never establish those boundaries in the first place in relationships.</div><div><br></div><div>Others have been hurt so many times in the past and now they won't allow others into their heart, they remain guarded and defensive when others try to get close. Both of these people flesh their issues out in various ways but both are treated using the same methods. </div><div><br></div><div>The central issue is identity. We forget all too quickly our real and true identity. We have been hurt before, our parents divorced, a lover cheated on us or abandoned us, a friend said words out of their wounding that caused us pain, we failed at a dream, or whatever the situation was the truth is we were left thinking and viewing ourselves as failures, as being unlovable, unworthy, untrustworthy, feeling we could not trust or love others because they would one day abandon and leave us or make us feel insignificant and unworthy. </div><div><br></div><div>We are all products of our past and more importantly we are products of how we interpreted our past inside our hearts. </div><div><br></div><div>Some tips are to recognize that people are operating out of their hurt and not deliberately trying to hurt you. This enables you to have mercy and grace for them and to love them enough to help bring them to a place of healing. </div><div>Another is to recognize your own hurt and wounding that plays itself out in your life. If you are unaware of those areas in your life, take some quiet time and get alone and ask your heart where it has been hurt. Then listen to your heart and process what you hear. </div><div><br></div><div>The truth is you are loved and accepted and deserve to be loved, cherished, accepted, fruitful, and to have quality relationships with others who build you up and love you well.</div><div><br></div><div>In all things share love, accept love, share mercy and grace and allow your heart to be open and free inside of a healthy environment.</div><div><br></div><div>- Anthony </div>Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-8772470232287319612015-07-17T08:49:00.001-07:002015-07-17T08:59:29.265-07:00Arriving at my destination<div>
I am almost 29 years old and I am struggling to remember some of the life lessons I have learned along the way to this point. You know, those life lessons that hurt and stung and made you feel like crawling in a hole, those are the ones I have experienced and learned from in the past but today feels as though I am experiencing them for the first time. </div>
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As a Christian, these are life lessons that pull me away from the intimacy with God I should have learned to cherish and protect with all that I have. It's a paradox really, in these moments I feel as though I could get no further from His heart than I am in the moment and in reality I am drawing closer to His heart than I could have ever imagined. It is what James talks about, the trying of our faith. The trial is brutal and bloody, the trial is more gruesome on the heart and the soul than the movie Braveheart. Yet, the trial brings me one step closer to knowing Him and to Him knowing me.</div>
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There will come a day when I look back on these times and think about His goodness and His grace and mercy that sustained me and kept me from completely falling. In faith I can look forward to that day, with hope I can press forward and force myself to climb out of bed every morning and shower and dress myself. I can remind myself that He is faithful and He is with me no matter what is happening in my heart. </div>
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I would say the worst mistake I could make in this time is forcing something to happen outside of its proper place. I read this morning from an author about the issue of sailing. When there is no wind pushing our sails closer to the destination we become anxious and have to choose between switching on the motor to arrive sooner than if we just allowed the wind to eventually bring us to where we intended to go. </div>
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Some of the questions that come to the surface in these times can be: Is this even the destination I want to be heading towards? Why did I get on this boat in the first place? Is this taking too long? Should I be farther ahead with the other boats? If I get there sooner, will things be different than if I arrived on time? </div>
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There are times we climb in the boat, raise the sails, point our direction to the destination of our choosing, and learn along the way that we chose the wrong destination. The answer is not always to simply keep moving forward. Sometimes we need to simply reevaluate everything and go from there, even if it means turning our boat around.</div>
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Maybe this is the lesson I am still learning. The lesson that turning around, or waiting on the wind, or heading towards a different destination does not necessarily mean I was wrong or I made a mistake or that I am some sort of a failure. It simply means the wind decided to do something different than I thought and now I am going somewhere else.</div>
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Whatever the lesson to be learned, whatever the destination or the reliance on the wind, whatever the experience along the way, the truth remains the same, there are always lessons to be learned and sometimes repeating the same lessons over again simply means I have not arrived, but one day I will get there. </div>
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Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-16058530521342026132015-06-26T11:15:00.001-07:002015-06-26T11:15:49.152-07:00Allowing God To Know Me.<div>I have been reminded over the last few months about a sermon I heard from Kris Vallotton talking about and asking the question does The Father know you? He uses the scripture where Jesus talks about those who will go before Him on judgement day and list all the great and spiritual endeavors they had completed while on earth but He would say to them "depart from Me for I knew you not." The moral of the story is, does Jesus know you? God in all of His love and power has limited Himself to the ability to only know the parts of me that I have allowed Him to know. So if there are parts of my heart that I have left hidden from Him than there is no way for Him to truly and completely know me because I have kept those area's to myself and hidden them from His knowledge. This speaks more to the relationship God desires to have with me and less about the notions of creation to creator. </div><div><br></div><div>This morning I woke up around 5:00AM and went for a run, which is something I have not done in almost 2 years, along the beaches of San Diego. I have been struggling lately, keeping certain things hidden from God, keeping area's of my heart hidden from Him because honestly I don't know what it looks like to offer up to Him the hidden parts of my heart, I don't know what it looks like to bring God my emotions and my heartache and have Him be a part of the healing process with me. I know what it's like to chase after Him in prayer and study, I know what it's like to dream with Him in spiritual aspects, and I know what it's like to fall away from Him and then come crawling back. But I am beginning to wonder if I were able to invite Him into every single part of my life and heart if I would have fewer times of crawling back to Him broken and ashamed. Prone to wonder, Lord I feel it.</div><div><br></div><div>I finished my run along the shore, the waves bringing pacific sea water to the edge of my bare feet with the occasional crashing and thrashing forward. I stopped running and began walking along the shore and watched as a flock of birds came crashing down from the sky above and flying in unison as they hovered just inches above the face of the ocean looking for something to eat. I turned to walk back to my hotel room and noticed the sun breaking from behind the clouds in brilliant splashes of reds and oranges and a little bit of purple too. It was not a drastic sunrise, it was only the beginning of the morning experience in the sky. I thought how nice it was to see the sunrise even for a moment but then I turned to walk back towards the hotel.</div><div><br></div><div>As I turned to walk inside I felt God lead me back to the sunrise saying "Son, turn around and watch the sunrise with me." I stopped and watched as my Father painted the most beautiful picture just for me. Like a lover opening her arms to hold me, like a deep and warm embrace, like the feelings of pure intimacy, I was able to turn and watch the sunrise with my Father and open up, even just a little more of my heart to Him. I was able to invite Him into the questioning I had, invite Him into the pain I was feeling, I was able to invite Him deeper into my emotions and my fears. I did not ask Him for help, I did not ask Him to heal me. I shared myself with Him and then asked Him to forgive me for wondering so far away from His heart. And right now as I write this I can acknowledge that I have treated Him like a lover I am upset with. I have built the walls around my heart to keep Him from getting too much of me, I have held out my arm and kept Him at length. </div><div>He is such a great lover, He never tries to smash down my walls or dishonor my heart but He gently stands by and waits for me to invite Him inside one step at a time. He wants to know me and He chooses to wait for my heart to be ready instead of forcing His way inside and breaking me down through power and force. </div><div> </div>Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-65427781455331880902015-05-11T15:11:00.000-07:002015-05-11T15:11:29.469-07:00Angels and demons<div>
I have always been interested in supernatural events and activities ever since I was a little guy. Growing up during the revival of the 1990's and the outpouring that happened in my church in Kentucky gave me a desire for the things of God and my encounters with angels when I was younger have kept me hungry for more of those experiences. </div>
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Along those same lines I have had experiences with demons before and left the experiences with some questions in my mind. I think all of us at some point have had experiences we may or may not admit to that have left us questioning the whole supernatural thing a bit and wondering what some of the truths are behind our experiences.</div>
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I didn't really have many references from the bible about the works of angels and demons until I sat across from a woman one evening who was possessed and read bible passages to her as she tried to manifest what was inside her.</div>
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I think most of us have this curiosity and maybe have had experiences that we couldn't understand or didn't want to understand. Either way, here are some things I have been thinking about lately.</div>
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I have always wondered at and marveled at the the story of Jesus in the grave yard with the guy that was possessed by a bunch of demons. Mark chapter 5 talks about the story of the man in the tombs and how he was bound with shackles and chains but he would break them and nothing could keep him bound. When I read this story in the Amplified version it says that the shackles were weak and the chains were broken by his constant rubbing them and pounding on them with rocks. What's the point? I have read this plenty of times before and wondered at the strength of the demons inside the man to break those chains. But when I read it in the amplified it tells me that he was only able to break those chains and shackles by using natural or physical means. The shackles were already weak and the chains he had to work to break, it was not some superhuman, supernatural power that enabled the man to break free! Though he was possessed by a legion of demons he was still bound to normal and natural rules of law.</div>
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Then we read in Acts chapter 12 about an encounter with the supernatural and the working of angels. Peter had been arrested and was heavily guarded in prison. It says that "he was chained between two guards and that sentries stood guard at the entrance. In other words...Peter was BOUND! He had two chains holding him to two guards along with sentries standing at the entrance to his jail cell. What happens next? And angel of the Lord shows up, smacks peter to wake him up and then the chains fall off of peters wrists and the jail cell door opens and peter walks right out of jail. </div>
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So what's the point? demons will try anything they can to instill fear and torment into the lives of believers but they are still bound within the confines of the natural world. The chains did not fall off the possessed man but he had to work to break them off by using rocks to smash them. With peter the chains simply fell off his wrists and he walked out of jail. Angels are given a higher degree of power, they are not limited to the natural order of things. In other words, if God sends an angel to set Peter free, Peter is getting free. </div>
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The simple point in this entire story is to understand that we serve a God that is not bound by natural limitations but that He is limitless and boundless in His love and compassion. </div>
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So let fear and worry and doubt fall off of your life like the chains that held Peter to his captors. Let love, peace, and hope come on you like a warm blanket. And finally understand that there is a God that loves you. He is not fighting for you because He already won the war. </div>
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Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-77860516171700568612015-02-17T08:03:00.001-08:002015-02-17T08:03:29.897-08:0021 brothers murdered<div>Odds are you have seen some sort of coverage concerning the killing of 21 Christians in Egypt by a group of militants. Whether your CNN app sent you a notification or FOX news broke the headline while you were eating your toast and drinking your coffee yesterday morning, or maybe you saw one of the many Instagram posts about it. Whatever the source of your notification, no doubt you were horrified at the news especially if you find yourself believing in the same God as the 21 men who left this earth to join that great cloud of witnesses we hear about in the book of Hebrews.</div><div><br></div><div>I have noticed a few posts on the internet with people talking about their sadness over the murders. No doubt we Christians are done with allowing these atrocities to take place in our world any longer. We American Christians are probably home drawing diagrams and connecting the dots that lead from declining church numbers to declining voter turnout to raising liberal influence in American schools to mass murders of Christians by Muslim leaders on the steps of government buildings by the year 2025.</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZjuLtTFICR_DPmc3hEGltDKlXYoJDNFLb499XCEQi3ALgqMwrHMmg05bniX9mbhxTPMXlLpzLruEJgFrX3BPDyDffc2iXN13wu9wafM3C-OHBb1qNhkdbfbmB0dseoEV__ITVZ_vegVe8/s640/blogger-image--1215278830.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZjuLtTFICR_DPmc3hEGltDKlXYoJDNFLb499XCEQi3ALgqMwrHMmg05bniX9mbhxTPMXlLpzLruEJgFrX3BPDyDffc2iXN13wu9wafM3C-OHBb1qNhkdbfbmB0dseoEV__ITVZ_vegVe8/s640/blogger-image--1215278830.jpg"></a></div><br></div></div><div><br></div><div>While I do feel these killings were unfortunate and horrifying for the families of these 21 innocent men, I also know these men were greeted with open arms by Jesus Himself in Heaven. I know that these 21 men will receive a reward far greater than most of us could ever imagine. Paul said "to die is gain but to live is Christ..." These 21 men have received their reward, they received their "gain".</div><div><br></div><div>So many times that the church has seen persecution, especially in the Bible, the Gospel and the faith of Jesus was spread at rates and with power that could never be duplicated without the persecution first taking place. There is something about seeing members of your family murdered on CNN that drives the living family members together. Here's a clue, we are the remaining family members of those 21 men. Those were our brother that were killed. Those were our brother who lost their heads in Egypt.</div><div><br></div><div>How will we honor their legacy? How can we honor their sacrifice? These men laid down their lives because of what they believed in, because they believed in a Jesus that lived to die for their freedom and salvation. </div><div><br></div><div>The major concern and question in the midst of these modern day martyrs is how will we, the American church respond? I take that back, how will each individual Christian respond? Will we take to social media and post about our sadness with some contrived verse? Will we possibly structure the next sermon about the raise of Muslim faith in America and how we must defend the Bible by increasing our giving or getting prayer back in schools?</div><div><br></div><div>Can we all just agree that there is more? There is more than news headlines and Sunday mornings. The fact is that we are falling behind in our purpose and our responsibility as a family of saints who are responsible for spreading the Gospel of Jesus everywhere we go. There is more than our "you can do it" tag lines and rhyming quotes. There is a beauty, a power, a real love, a miraculous God who is wanting to make Himself alive and real to a multitude of people in our communities who don't know He really exists. All we need is to get out of our homes, our jobs, our groups of friends, and our churches and go out to spread that Love, that Power, that Freedom, and that Healing with so many who need Him. That is how we can honor our brothers who have passed into their Heavenly place with Jesus.</div><div><br></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-88511319508850649952014-11-14T05:54:00.001-08:002014-11-14T05:54:28.946-08:00Pressence vs hype<div>As I have grown older, and I understand I am still young, I have begun to find myself disgusted with the same things most of us have become so accustomed to.</div><div>I do not think of myself as being anything special or unique. I grew up in an average home with normal parents and an ethnic background leaning heavily on the Italian roots from my father. I didn't grow up rich and I didn't grow up so poor that I would be destined for a "rags to riches" life story. I graduated high school, I played sports but was not the star on any team, I never went through a goth phase growing up, my parents never forced me to go to sleep with my bible in hand nor did they force me to memorize entire books of the bible at a time, and my favorite food was jello. In other words, I am rather ordinary, nothing special about me. Yet I have this burning desire inside of me that tells me I cannot accept the ordinary and the normal and the traditional things of Christ, of the Christian life.</div><div><br></div><div><b>Jesus was a lot of things but ordinary was not one of them.</b> I'd imagine when people asked their neighbors, "Have you of that Jesus guy going around?" the answer was never "You mean that normal dude?" or "that plain looking fellow? The one who sits in the back of the church and doesn't say much?" For example, at one point Jesus told His disciples to eat His body and drink His blood....That's not normal.</div><div><br></div><div>So, when Jesus says in the Bible "These same works I have done, you will do also and greater works than these." I have to take Him at His word. When He tells me (and you) to "go into all the world and preach the Gospel, heal the sick, and cast out the demons..." I assume that means I am not only able to do those things but I am SUPPOSED to do those things.</div><div><br></div><div><b>When did it become okay for Christians to not heal people?</b> When did it become okay for Christians to work a normal job, live in a normal apartment, and attend a normal church for their entire lives without ever experiencing a real Jesus? When did it become okay to forget about the power and the manifestation of the Holy Spirit? When did the extent of God's power become limited to our checking accounts? When did the most powerful thing we see in church become the book club? Since when did preachers become known as the most popular because of what they said and not because of the manifestation of the miraculous in their lives?</div><div><br></div><div><i>We sing songs talking about healing, freedom, grace, peace, love, mercy, and all these other powerful words but I am not entirely sure we understand what any of those words actually mean.</i></div><div><br></div><div><i><b>I think we have been focussed on hype for far too long in churches. </b></i> Everything we do has become about the next big event or the next catchy title of the sermon series. We rely on hype and advertising to bring the people into our churches and hope they enjoy themselves so much that they choose to stick around. But hype will never sustain a church. <b>The only thing to sustain a church over a long period of time is the power and the presence of God.</b></div><div><br></div><div>I am begging you, whomever is reading this, please stop, Stop the nonsense, stop the regurgitating the same thing everyone else is saying, please stop the same boring life. Let's do something, <b>let's be used by the Holy Spirit and actually see the power of God move through our lives into our cities. </b></div><div><br></div><div>In the book of Acts it says that 5,000 were lead to the way in a single day. The city I live in has a population of around 125,000. That means we should be able to transform this city for the kingdom of God in 25 days. But we won't do it by inviting them to bible study and by holding a book club. We will transform it by getting in the streets, loving the people, and allowing God to actually move through us in ways of His manifest power and love.</div><div><br></div><div><b>Join the movement, join the revolution.</b> Don't be satisfied with what you have or where you are. Pray and tell God you are open to Him, tell Him you want to be used for His kingdom in a very real and powerful way.</div>Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-16823738025114694752014-11-07T05:12:00.003-08:002014-11-07T05:12:51.969-08:00Love your city"Pray, therefore, like this: Our Father Who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your Kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven..." Matthew 6:9-10<br />
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We all know this passage of scripture, this is part of the Lord's prayer. My church sings a song from time to time where these words are the lyrics to the song. The other day during the band sound check, they were playing this song and it hit me...What does it mean for His Kingdom to come? What does that exactly look like? How would I know if His kingdom did come?<br />
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Call it the Holy Spirit if you'd like, suddenly Matthew 11:1-10 came to my mind. What's happening in Matthew 11 is that John the baptist is in jail. John hears about some of the things Jesus is doing and he sends his disciples to ask Jesus, "Are You the One Who was to come, or should we keep on expecting a different one?" Jesus responds by charging the disciples to go back and report to John, "The blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers are cleansed (by healing) and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up and the poor have good news (the Gospel) preached to them."<br />
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Matthew 11 is what it looks like when His Kingdom comes. And what's so great about His kingdom and the benefits that comes with His Kingdom is that it already came and rests here with us. We do not have to beg Him to show up, we don't have to pray the right prayer in order for His presence to come. If we have been baptized with the Holy Spirit, His presence lives in us, rather, His Kingdom came and made its home with us. <br />
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A friend of mine is a diplomat for the nation of Uganda to the United States. His car has little Ugandan flags hanging on the front bumper. Anywhere and everywhere he travels he is representing Uganda and he has diplomatic immunity. It's as though wherever he stands he is always on Ugandan soil. It's the same with us as carriers of His Spirit. That means that the benefits of Matthew 11, the benefits of His Kingdom go with us wherever we go and are subject to the movement of our faith.<br />
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Jesus said to many people throughout the bible "Your faith has made you well." Jesus already healed everyone throughout the entire world and throughout all of eternity. There is literally not one person on this planet who has not already been healed by Jesus. However it is OUR FAITH that pulls that healing and forces it to manifest into the natural and into our lives and into the lives of those we pray for and release our faith to.<br />
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There is a lost and hurting city in front of you. Open your front door, look out your window, get out of your car, it's right in front of you. There are people who need what you have. They could already know Jesus or be Christians and they still need what you have. The question is will you give it to them, to the hurting, the sick, the broken, what you have been given?<br />
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I pray for a lot of people, not nearly as many as I should be praying for, but I get out and pray with people. Almost everyone I pray with is a believer, at least they say they are. But they STILL NEED WHAT I HAVE! They need the Kingdom of God living inside of me. <br />
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I think it's easy to forget that the real reason we are alive is to give. It's not to live in a nice house, have a high paying job, drive a nice car, take a great selfie, reach 2,000 friends on Facebook, or even wear nice clothes. The ONLY reason we are here is to be a light to the darkness. It takes little effort to share that light. All it takes is your faith moving into action. <br />
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Recently I was in a hospital waiting room while I was waiting to visit with a friend who had been in a car accident. I looked around the room and heard people wailing in pain, looking sick, throwing up, one man having a seizure, another woman gripped with fear. I walked up to one person and asked if they would like prayer and in between her screams of pain she said "yes." From there, everyone in the waiting room watched with hope and expectancy for me to pray with them. Keep in mind that it had nothing to do with who I am and what I can do. It had to do with their hope for a light, their hope for someone to share light with them.<br />
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I can remember as a teenager walking through the woods one night while away at a youth camp, we had gone on a night hike following a trail through the woods for a mile or two. I was in a group of about four people and I was the only one with a flash light. I walked in front of them and made sure to shine my light on the path so they could see as I lead the way back to our camp.<br />
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That's what we need to do in our cities. We need to shine our light on the path for those in our group....and when I say group I mean everyone in our city. <br />
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Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-86455144529865083362014-10-28T17:50:00.001-07:002014-10-28T17:50:17.416-07:00Flight Zone & Escape Behavior<div>So let's talk about a Flight Zone. What is a Flight Zone? Well, it doesn't have anything to do with aircraft. I had been studying for a presentation I am giving in my class for bible school on the topic "what is a pastor?" I decided to begin studying out the behaviors of sheep. Why would I do that? you may ask. Because a pastor is often referred to as a shepherd and we christians and church members are often referred to as sheep. I know, very flattering. Anyways, I figured I would study the behaviors of actual sheep and maybe that would give me some clarity on the life of a shepherd which would give me some more clarity on the roles of a pastor.</div><div><br></div><div>While I was studying behaviors of sheep I learned that sheep, like most animals, have what is known as a "Flight Zone." A Flight Zone is an area surrounding the animal that if encroached upon by a potential predator or threat will cause alarm and escape behavior. Escape behavior is essentially what the animal will do immediately following the encroachment of a possible enemy. An animals escape behavior will vary from animal to animal. Some animals may run for their lives, others may take a defensive position, and others will run for any form of protection they may find.</div><div><br></div><div><b>While reading about sheep and their behaviors and flight zones I can't help but wonder what my flight zone is and what my escape behavior is like once my flight zone has been breached. </b> </div><div><br></div><div>I know the Bible says "we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities and rulers of darkness." and I also know that the Bible says "the enemy is roaming about seeking whom he may devour." Based on those scriptures I understand that I have only one enemy in this life, only one substance that could possibly violate my flight zone, only one threat that could make me switch to my escape behavior and that is the devil.</div><div><br></div><div>This leads me to asking myself, what is my flight zone and what is my escape behavior? <b>Have I given the enemy so much ground in my life that my flight zone has become very small?</b> How much of an attack will I tolerate from the devil and his forces before I go into escape behavior? <b>Will I allow negative thoughts? Will I allow sickness? Will I allow lack? Will I allow poverty? Will I allow my family to live their lives not knowing Jesus? How much will I take? </b> How much will I allow the enemy to encroach on me and my territory before I finally move into escape behavior?</div><div><br></div><div>And what exactly is my escape behavior? Do I turn and just begin running away from the threat of my enemy? Do I run and run hoping that I will be strong enough to out last and out run the one seeking to kill and destroy my life? Do I turn and try to fight back? Do I try to fight my enemy leaning on my own understanding and my own ability? Or maybe I do what sheep do, <b>maybe I turn towards my Shepherd, maybe I go and stand next to Him and I lean on His strength and His power.</b></div><div><br></div><div>See, as Christians we have to know that the devil and his forces have already been defeated. We have to know that they hold no power over our lives besides what we allow them to have. If we allow the enemy to encroach on our territory, if we allow the enemy to get close to us and take what is ours before we transition into escape mode, then we are saying we don't fully trust in what Jesus already did for our lives. The word of God says that He came to give us life and life more abundantly! That abundant life is within our flight zone and we shouldn't allow the enemy to come in and take what's rightfully ours through Christ.</div><div><br></div><div>Animals have four varying degrees of flight zones and the zones get closer and closer depending upon the threat the animal perceives in the object encroaching on their territory. The closest zone is the social zone, where the animal feels no threat and therefore allows the closest distance without going into escape mode. As I read this I wonder if I have allowed the enemy to come into my social zone. Have I allowed him to get so close to me that I am unaware I should be in escape mode and standing next to my Shepherd leaning on His power and His promises to protect and defend me.</div><div><br></div><div>I think it's time I reevaluate my flight zone and I begin to take back my territory that was promised to me and made available to me through my Shepherd, Jesus Christ. When times get tough, when seasons get hard, when threats come, I should go into escape behavior and run to my Savior before I get too comfortable with having the enemy in my territory. </div><div><br></div>Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-19453141376799673442014-10-01T08:01:00.002-07:002014-10-01T08:01:44.183-07:00My weakness About four years ago I began meeting with my pastor and mentor once a week for a sort of counseling appointment, I was in a rough spot in life and desperately needed someone to take me under their wing and lead me in the way that I should go, my pastor did that for me. He invited me into a relationship with him and invested his time and talents into my life without expecting anything from me in return.<br />
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There are a number of things he taught me that I still hold to today but the most important of all was the necessity of staying rooted in the Word of God. He showed me how to stay focused on the Bible and to keep a journal everyday where I wrote out what I'd been reading that day and what God had been showing me. Over the years I've done just that, keeping journals from the last 4 + years talking about what I'd been studying and what God was telling me through His scriptures. At times I have used these journals to write about issues in my life along with what I'd been studying and how they coincided. <br />
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Today I finished a journal and went to my bookshelf to place it next to my other filled journals and to retrieve a blank journal to fill once more with my thoughts on God's word. <br />
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While I was getting my new journal I decided to go back through my old journals from the years to see what I'd written about 4 fours ago on the same day. Let me just say how humbling of an experience that was for me. It's amazing to go back over four years on the same day in each, having read the same passage of scripture, and to see how different my writings have been on the same verses. However, that's not the point of this story and I'm sorry I just took 300 words to introduce what I am going to tell you about.<br />
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See, some time ago I was in a little bit of a different place than I am right now and I was starting a new relationship. On September 7th of that year I wrote about the sin of the Israelites in the O.T. and I wondered if I was just as weak as they were. I'd been involved with past girlfriends and I wondered as I began a new relationship if I'd have strength this time around. I wondered "is my relationship with Jesus strong enough to keep me, is my relationship real or is this all fake? WIll I just fall down the same path I've been down before?" Let me tell you that things didn't go well for me after that, depending on how you look at it, and I did go down the same path I'd gone down in the past.<br />
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What's so different these two years later? Now I know I am not strong enough, I know that I am weak and I know that realistically if the same opportunity presented itself tomorrow I might take it. I understand how horrible that may sound considering I work for a church and I am going to school for theology but it's the truth.<br />
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I have been praying over the last week or so that I would be made more weak, or is it weaker? I understand that no matter how hard I try, no matter how much effort I put into it, no matter how much I wonder if I will or will not fall, the fact remains that I will inevitably fall. I understand some people might think that's wrong of me to say but it is the truth. There will come a day when the love I have for my Savior will be overshadowed by the alluring gaze from another. Let me be clear, the alluring gaze from another could be vulgarity, it could be gambling, it could be gossiping, it could be offense, it could be trusting myself and not trusting Him, my point is not to focus on one area of sin but to understand that sin is running around knocking on my door as God said in Genesis, the question is will I open that door. When my Savior tells me, "Anthony, don't open the door, look to me instead." WIll I look to Him or will I open the door and invite the sin back inside?<br />
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I have been praying for weakness because I am tired of looking in the mirror and seeing myself. I am tired of opening my mouth and hearing my voice and my words. I am tired of looking back over the years and saying "I brought myself here." My hearts desire is that I would become so weak and so humble that all you would see when you look at me is Christ, all you would heard when I speak would be Jesus, and years from now I would look at where I am and say, "God brought me here."<br />
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Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9 "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ's power may rest on me."<br />
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My sincere prayer is that I would die, that I would wake up every morning and die to self so that i could come to life in the light of His glory and His love and His strength.<br />
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<br />Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-6118648084629563872014-08-10T20:57:00.001-07:002014-08-10T20:57:39.715-07:00Mary's way to Worship Jesus. <div class="Body">
John 12:3 says, <i>"Then Mary took a twelve-ounce jar of
expensive perfume made from essence of nard, and she anointed Jesus' feet with
it and wiped His feet with her hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And the house was filled with fragrance."</i></div>
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I love this verse because it shows us an example of what it would
be like to truly worship Jesus.</div>
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Prior to this encounter with Jesus and the perfume and His feet,
Mary had a special encounter with the Son of God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her brother, Lazarus died and had been buried for four days
when Jesus, a friend of the family, came into town to visit His friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When Jesus arrived He found the family
and their friends all mourning the death of Lazarus beside his tomb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus walked up to the tomb where Lazarus
was buried and yelled for Lazarus to get up and walk out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure enough, the guy who had been DEAD
for FOUR DAYS got up and walked out of the tomb ALIVE.</div>
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So Mary had every right to be grateful to Jesus, in fact, before
verse 3 arrives we read that Jesus was in the families house because they were
throwing a dinner party in His honor (v. 1-2).</div>
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What Mary did was an act of worship for the Son of God but I
believe it also set the standard of how we should worship The Lord.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZQVe7NmXvLTWDfVVkwQk4ixBR8XTsZlozETeDWzI-ffxt9fAFXU4ZlO0c6IR43FIEt8a_6hQe_lVwXyD3gel65vMM2AKMkUNSFnWeRYoEhZ-_NyRjdTIQzNNm4nXLdIVSr-e7KWxQE4mW/s1600/Mary+worship+blog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZQVe7NmXvLTWDfVVkwQk4ixBR8XTsZlozETeDWzI-ffxt9fAFXU4ZlO0c6IR43FIEt8a_6hQe_lVwXyD3gel65vMM2AKMkUNSFnWeRYoEhZ-_NyRjdTIQzNNm4nXLdIVSr-e7KWxQE4mW/s1600/Mary+worship+blog.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a>Mary takes a 12-ounce bottle of very expensive perfume, so
expensive in fact that Judas becomes angry with her for wasting the perfume on
Jesus saying that it was worth a small fortune and could have been sold and the money given to the
poor (V. 5).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, I don't know how
wealthy the family was at the time of this party, maybe Mary had 100 of those 12-ounce
bottles but I have a feeling it was a big deal for her and the family to have
something of such significance and worth in their possession.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So what's the point?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the ways Mary worships Jesus is
with her possessions and finances.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This isn't about tithing or offerings, don't think I'm going to ask you
to start giving 50% of your income starting this Sunday at church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it is important to notice that this
is one of the ways she chose to worship Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And keep in mind, Mary didn't make a financial donation to
the ministry of Jesus, she didn't give the bottle of perfume to Him and say
"please sell this so you'll have money to travel more."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She took her most prized possession and
used it to honor and worship Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She didn't give up wearing perfume for lent, she didn't sell the perfume
to donate the money to Jesus, she didn't give Him the bottle, she took the
perfume and poured it over His feet!</div>
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The next way Mary worships Jesus is with her beauty by
sacrificing her beauty in worship to the Son of God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jesus more than likely wore sandals during this time in
history, I can't picture Him being caught wearing the latest Jordan's.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So He's wearing sandals, walking
around in the dirt and the sand and the heat and around the city streets all
day long and who knows how long it's actually been since He was able to wash
His feet and here Mary is taking her hair to wipe the feet of Jesus using the
expensive perfume she just poured over His dirty, nasty feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I'd imagine Mary was a very pretty lady
who probably took good care of herself considering the fact that she owned such
an expensive bottle of perfume during the times they lived in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, despite her beauty, despite her
financial situation, despite her pride, she worships Jesus by sacrificing her beauty
to worship and honor Him.</div>
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The third way Mary worship Jesus was by sacrificing her dignity
and her pride and probably her reputation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the middle of a dinner party, while the men are gathered
around the table engaged in conversation, while her sister is slaving away in
the kitchen preparing a meal for everyone to enjoy, Mary gets down on the dirty floor
and begins to pour this expensive perfume out onto His feet, then she uses her
hair to wipe His feet off causing her hair to smell like a strange mixture of
nasty feet and perfume and getting dirt and sand and filth in her hair during
the process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But Mary doesn't care
about any of that, she doesn't care what the dinner guests might think of
her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her only focus, her only
goal, her mission is to worship Jesus with everything she has.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mary worships Jesus with literally
everything, her finances and possessions, her beauty, and her pride and
reputation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She lays it all down
literally on the feet of Jesus because she loves Him so much she has to worship
Him.</div>
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<div class="Body">
And what is the result of her sacrifice and her worship?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The end of verse 3 says "...and
the house was filled with fragrance."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to believe this was the presence of God, His
anointing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The bible talks about
the presence and anointing of God being like a sweet fragrance and in
Revelation it talks about our prayers raising to God like a sweet smelling
fragrance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe that a result
of Mary's sacrificial and complete worship to and for Jesus was that the
anointing and the literal presence of God filled that house like a beautiful
fragrance. </div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
The bible says in Hebrews that we should offering a sacrifice of
praise to Him continually.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Praising God and worshipping Him should not be without sacrifice, it
should not be on our terms and within our comfortable spaces.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our worship of Jesus should be with
complete sacrifice and with complete and total abandon to anything and
everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is He not worthy of
such a sacrifice?</div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
I will be walking this out as I learn how I can specifically
follow this example of worship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
believe it will be different for everyone but I also believe it is the
necessary way to truly worship the One who gave His life for ours.</div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-33560188429744592682014-07-31T07:11:00.001-07:002014-07-31T07:11:48.922-07:00Anthony Loyd from Skid Row<div>I am on a missions trip in Los Angeles with our church youth group for the week. Today we took the youth down to Skid Row to go out and talk with and pray for some of the people we would encounter in the 6 block area of Skid Row.</div><div><br></div><div>Our group of 28 vacated our comfortable, air conditioned bus and walked onto to the streets of Skid Row where there was human waste on the sidewalks and where thousands of men and women were living in cardboard boxes, under tarps, and shopping carts on the sidewalks and the side of the roads.</div><div><br></div><div>We split into smaller groups of 9 and I lead one of those groups around the streets from 1:30 PM - 4:30 PM. We were afraid of what we would be experiencing, no one was sure of what to expect or how the people would receive us. The first man we met was named Anthony Loyd, a man in his 60's with surprisingly perfect teeth and with a smile so bright you'd have thought we were members of his family. We stopped and said hello to him and began talking about how his day was going and some other awkward pleasantries.</div><div><br></div><div>Anthony then began telling us about Skid Row and what we should expect. He told us not to worry about anyone who might be angry or belligerent with us, but to just move on and keep doing good. He kept encouraging us and thanking us for coming down to Skid Row, but honestly he could have said anything and it would have changed me, you could feel the love that Anthony had for us even though he'd never met us before in his life, he had a genuine love and respect and gratitude for each of our team members.</div><div><br></div><div>The team and I moved along through the street of Skid Row and were able to talk with a lot of people about everything from religion to God's love for them to praying for their healing. We saw sights I never would have wished to see in my life, things that astonished me. I never had any great emotions while walking the street with our team. When I saw a woman eating raw chicken on the street I didn't feel much of anything. When I saw another woman walking up and down the street without a shirt or bra on screaming to the wind, I didn't feel much of anything, when I saw men sitting in wheel chairs on the sidewalk missing legs and one missing an eye I didn't feel much of anything. I believe it's because it was hard for me to grasp, I mean, we aren't conditioned to deal with those images, we don't know how to handle such devastation because that kind of devastation was never meant to exist in the first place.</div><div><br></div><div>We were getting towards the end of our time and started walking back towards the bus to load up and go back to our base with the rest of our 30 member team. I wanted to understand this situation better, I wanted to leave that place with some sort of understanding rather than simply leave Skid Row and Los Angeles numb to the whole experience.</div><div><br></div><div>We walked back up the street where we'd first went and came back to Anthony Loyd. I told the youth in my team to walk up to the corner and wait for me, I wanted to talk with Anthony alone. He greeted me with a smile and asked how things went but I didn't want to waste any time.</div><div><br></div><div>"I need a favor from you." I said.</div><div>"Okay." He replied with a smile, but concerned look on his face.</div><div>"I need you to tell me what I am supposed to take away from this whole thing. What am I supposed to go back home with after I leave Skid Row?" I asked.</div><div>He locked his eyes on mine and said, "You need to go back and make sure no one ever finds their way down here. Don't you let these teenagers make the decisions we've made. Don't you let any of those teenagers find their way down here at any time in their lives."</div><div><br></div><div>That was enough, that was a sufficient answer for me. </div><div><br></div><div>"Okay. Will do me another favor? Will you pray for me?"</div><div>"Sure I will." He said.</div><div>Then he closed his eyes and placed his right hand on my shoulder and prayed.</div><div>"Lord, I ask that you make a way for my brother. I ask that you raise him up and take him to the next level and that you bless him in Jesus name."</div><div><br></div><div>He was done praying and we began talking again.</div><div><br></div><div>"So where did you say you all are from?" He asked.</div><div>"We're from Texas. It's our church youth group from there that came out to Los Angeles for the week on a missions trip."</div><div>"Oh, that's wonderful. I'm from Louisiana myself." Anthony replied.</div><div>"So how are all the kids doing?" He said.</div><div>"They are good. Almost 70% of our church is military because there is a big Army base where we live. Most of our kids on this trip have lived a hard life already, even though they are so young." I replied.</div><div>"Well wait a minute." Anthony said and began digging through a shopping cart that was behind him covered with a battered and worn blue tarp.</div><div><br></div><div>While he was rummaging through his shopping cart I noticed that standing right behind him was a man and a woman shooting up and getting high.</div><div><br></div><div>"Here it is!" He said and pulled out a bible.</div><div>"I want you to have this. I am sure you could use this."</div><div>I was blown away. This man who is homeless and who lives on Skid Row was so moved with love and compassion for a group of teenagers that he'd never met before in his life and, that he gave them a bible because he knew it would help them.</div><div><br></div><div>I felt God tell me to give him my bible, my Amplified bible with all my notes inside, so I pulled it from my backpack and handed it to him. </div><div><br></div><div>I shook his hand, we gave each other a big hug, I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too and I walked back to the team standing at the corner.</div><div><br></div><div>We left Skid Row shortly after that and in a few days we will return to our home towns but I will never forget Anthony Loyd from Skid Row and his love for teenagers he'd never met.</div><div><br></div>Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-30359985804698768402014-07-25T09:08:00.000-07:002014-07-25T09:08:46.173-07:00Faith + Love<div class="MsoNormal">
1 Corinthians 13:13 says “There are three things that will
endure – faith, hope, and love – and the greatest of these is love.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is a story of my brother Gabriel, a story that will
last for the length of time in this nation and in the nation of Grenada.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because it has been and will continue to be passed on from
generation to generation.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My brother was a missionary in Grenada for two years and was
swimming with a group of people from the States one day in the ocean near their
home base.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To make a long story
short, a young man had gone swimming out beyond where you should go and was
swept out into the hazardous depths of the ocean by the raging waves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The people in his group noticed he was
being swept out when my brother decided to swim out after this young man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The story goes that when my brother
reached the young man they were around 100 meters out from shore and were being
pulled even further.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They tried to
swim back to shore but were pushed even faster and further out to sea from the
relentless waves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’d gotten so
far out that there was no hope of rescue; the locals told the members of the
group standing on the shore that they were as good as dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My brother and the young man became so
exhausted from swimming that they began to sink beneath the surface of the
ocean, as they sank and began to drown my brother began to talk to God and
remind Him that nothing good could come from him drowning in the ocean, that
God needed to do something to save their lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At that moment my brother and the young man were suddenly
and miraculously taken and moved from sinking beneath the ocean to standing in
a safe zone and were able to walk to shore.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Matthew 21:21-22 says “Then Jesus told them, I assure you,
if you have faith and don’t doubt, you can do things like this and much
more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can even say to this
mountain, “May God lift you up and throw you into the sea, and it will
happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you believe, you will
receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We know that faith can move mountains; Matthew 21:21 just
told us so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what happens when
we combine our faith and our love?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How much more could happen in our lives when we combine the two?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>1 Corinthians said that out of faith,
hope, and love the greatest is love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But faith has the ability to move a mountain!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wonder how much more love can do and how much more faith +
love can accomplish in our lives and in the lives of those we encounter.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I love so much about the story of my brother is not
just the miracle of being translated to safety and saved from death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I love is my brother’s courage and
my brother’s love for the life of someone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See, faith would have looked like my brother gathering the
others in the group standing on the shore and praying for the young man to be
rescued or for God to perform a miracle of some sort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Faith, although needed, would have kept my brother safe on
the shore praying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Faith + Love
took my brother from his safety on the shore and brought him into the raging
sea, into the thrashing waves, into the place of death, and his Faith + Love
brought about a miracle of biblical proportions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How much more can we accomplish for the Kingdom of God when
we, like my brother, use the equation of Faith + Love in our lives and in the
lives of all those we encounter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I believe I will see those astounding miracles I crave to
see and experience in my life when I not only pray the prayers of faith but
when I allow my love for God and for humanity to bring me into those raging
sea’s and position myself for God to deliver me and work a miracle in my life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This weekend I am departing for Los Angeles where I am going
as part of a team of teenagers from my home church to bring a message of hope
to the people of that city.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are
not just praying the prayers of faith for Los Angeles but we will be using that
equation of Faith + Love and getting into it, positioning ourselves for God to
work those astonishing miracles in our lives and all those we encounter.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Pray for us, pray for the team, pray that we are lead by the
Holy Spirit and pray that we have more than enough opportunities to combine our
Faith and Love and expand the Kingdom of God in the city of Los Angeles.</div>
Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-38882146483666527652014-05-28T06:35:00.000-07:002014-05-28T06:35:13.438-07:00Saturday Stories <div class="MsoNormal">
Last week I experienced one of those events in life that
makes everything real.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of
those happenings that wake you up, that splash cold water on your face, and makes
you sober.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I work for a church in Texas as their stage manager.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a great job and I love what I do
and where I work but my position requires me to stay on target and make sure
the schedule is running in order, there isn’t much time with my job to simply
sit and experience things, to experience the service and the people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am always running around on Sunday
mornings trying to make sure everyone knows what is going on and that there are
no issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The job of a stage
manager is not to relax and enjoy the service, the job of a stage manager is to
run and worry about the details.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the church I also volunteer with the youth ministry where
I do a variety of things one of which is teaching a spiritual growth class and
preparing for an upcoming missions trip to Los Angels.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is a stark contrast between the two
positions; in my job it’s more about schedule and operations and in my
volunteering it is more about people and relationship.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Last Saturday we had a training session for the youth who
are going on the missions trip to L.A.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The youth pastor did something brilliant, something I never would have
thought of, he handed out a piece of paper and a pen and gave everyone some
time to write down their story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The goal was for each person to become comfortable and familiar enough
with his or her personal story so they would be relatable to those we would be
ministering to in Los Angels.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As everyone wrote out their stories I walked around and
looked over the shoulder of some of the youth who were writing away, one
student had a diagram he’d drawn on his page.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On one said of the line he’d written “Before Christ” and on
the other side he’d written “After Christ” and he’d listed some things under
each category.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I laughed a bit and
thought to myself, “how could a teenager have that much to write about before
Christ?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After everyone finished writing their story the youth pastor
split the whole group into smaller groups and sent the young men with myself
and another guy in the leadership of the youth department, Jeremiah.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We took the group of six young men and had them pair off to
role-play how to approach a stranger on the street and start a
conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a bit awkward
for everyone and after a few failed attempts I asked the group to come back
together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Instead of trying the role-playing approach we decided to
each take a turn sharing our personal story we’d just written down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone got two minutes to talk and to
take us through their personal stories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I started with mine and we went around the circle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t hold any of the details back
from my story I just told the group my experiences of going from drinking and
smoking cigarettes to smoking pot and sleeping with girlfriends and I finished
my time talking about how I got back into a church and met with my Pastor and
how he helped me turn my life around.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As the next young man spoke he talked about abusive parents
and divorce and rape and drugs and being placed in foster care and then being
adopted and brought to church, the very church we were standing in. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The next young man spoke of similar
scenarios and then the next and the next and the next and so on until we’d
completed the circle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every single
one had stories of the most horrible things involving situations and
relationships that had changed their lives.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmVBArTNZx1e5BYUclxmaFMZR6AT4xgltnJJ6OJsFU-U8eOIq8ZzAP2bKMMOaUreqRMyoU6GR9q8Nol2Ym5g-m8vZAdV5CORzYz3wAS_nUuZ5h8dxbHJZe7Wp-F8R_JHxL1XV7wvLdgXSm/s1600/20140517_102647.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmVBArTNZx1e5BYUclxmaFMZR6AT4xgltnJJ6OJsFU-U8eOIq8ZzAP2bKMMOaUreqRMyoU6GR9q8Nol2Ym5g-m8vZAdV5CORzYz3wAS_nUuZ5h8dxbHJZe7Wp-F8R_JHxL1XV7wvLdgXSm/s1600/20140517_102647.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a>“My parents got divorced two years ago and I started getting
angry and getting in fights in school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I mean, how could two people who love each other just split up like that
and wreck their home and their family?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>One young man said as he choked back tears.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“My dad killed himself when I was just a kid, I don’t think
he meant to do it, he was going through a lot of hard stuff at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got really depressed and they sent me
to a shrink and gave me some pills but none of it helped.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another young man shared.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At the end of each story, they spoke of someone in their lives
who’d brought them to our church, Destiny World Outreach, and how they got
connected and their lives haven’t been the same since.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was truly heartbreaking for me to hear these stories, to
hear that children and teenagers have gone through such horrible things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In that moment I realized that life and
working for a church isn’t about the schedule or the agenda, it’s not about the
order of service or the time clock or even the amount of people in the service,
it’s about the lives that are changed, it’s about providing a place of refuge
and healing and strength for the people who are broken and hurting and who have
nowhere else to go.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
When you are conditioned to strictly follow a schedule you
rarely just sit back and relax.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Over the last year I have transitioned from someone who makes every
decision based on emotion to someone who makes every decision based on logic
and reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I asked everyone
to share their stories I wasn’t attempting to make an emotional decision, I was
making a logical decision without expecting to have the experience I had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s the thing with our routines, God
will typically find a way to interrupt our schedules and awaken us to His
goodness and grace all over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That is what happened to me on that Saturday.</div>
Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-68614562582270651742014-05-07T19:44:00.001-07:002014-05-07T19:44:58.537-07:00Acceptance and Validation <div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone wants to feel accepted in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By our family, our friends, our
co-workers, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all want to
have a community of people who we know accepts us for who are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We want to be a part of a group of
people where we are free from judgment and ridicule.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Viktor Frankl says there are three things every person needs
in their life.<br />
1. To have meaningful goal they are working towards.<br />
2. To take a redemptive perspective from their unavoidable sufferings.<br />
3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And to be a part of a loving
community.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Acceptance, true acceptance is hard to come by.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can think of maybe a handful of people,
let’s say five or six, who have truly accepted me for who I am in my entire
lifetime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Through the years I have
tried to earn the acceptance from people in my life, I think everyone does that
to a certain extent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We dress a
certain way, we talk a certain way, we listen to specific kinds of music or
watch specific T.V. shows and movies in an attempt to fit in and be accepted.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I grew up in church but I was never the type of person to
give a loud “Amen” during the sermon or run laps around the sanctuary for no
apparent reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, since
I’ve moved to Texas I’ve found myself doing that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not running laps around the sanctuary, actually I haven’t
been running laps around much of anything, but I have been known to give an
above normal volumed “amen” or “preach it” during the sermons at my current church.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is this a desperate cry for
acceptance?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s more about identifying with the
culture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it is an attempt for
acceptance, it’s subconsciously manifesting that way.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKd2s7EwZERIsUNJOjx3e-irQjqw36OTaRwFibqStT3NcCBLYnfuByz4L3qTe9fugTQwUf9LEBD-j2sN1dTaduIe6T6O6jpcDEISxz-Po7Bp0yw6vp7x-DgnKls6zfxbks5pWyEZQ_aTCs/s1600/acceptance+blog+pic.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKd2s7EwZERIsUNJOjx3e-irQjqw36OTaRwFibqStT3NcCBLYnfuByz4L3qTe9fugTQwUf9LEBD-j2sN1dTaduIe6T6O6jpcDEISxz-Po7Bp0yw6vp7x-DgnKls6zfxbks5pWyEZQ_aTCs/s1600/acceptance+blog+pic.png" height="224" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not a
one-time thing either, it’s constant and true, I always work for acceptance
when I’m around people, even people I know and have been friends with.</div>
acceptance has always been a big issue for me, I’ve
always tried to fit into a group in my own unique way; I try to be accepted by
people around me.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In my relationship with God the same is true, I try to be
accepted by Him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I feel like
I am doing the good spiritual things a Christian is supposed to do, I feel as
though God accepts me, He approves of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“This is my son, in whom I am well pleased.” If Jesus had made a mistake
would God still have been well pleased?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Acceptance is a form of validation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I accept you I am validating who
you are, at least that’s what I thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because I don’t really know who I am I seek acceptance as a way to make
people tell me who I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
someone validates what I wear I will be more likely to wear those clothes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If someone validates a blog I wrote I
would be likely to write more blogs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Identity is often mistakenly found in validation and acceptance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No matter what I do in life, no matter
what decision I make, I will always be able to find someone to accept me and
validate what I do.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And here is the difference with God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God accepts us no matter what.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Black, yellow, purple, or white.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gay, straight, bi-sexual, whatever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Drunk, drug addict, loser, thief,
pastor, president, anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>God
accepts us no matter who we are or what we’ve done or what we are doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, God does not always validate
us, rather God does not always validate our actions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s the difference between acceptance and validation,
acceptance is more about who you are and validation is more about what you’ve
done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You ARE a child of God; you
have ACTED in some sinful ways.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 Samuel 14:22 says, “Joab fell to the ground before the
king and blessed him and said, “At least I know that I have gained your
approval, for you have granted me this request.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What prayers has God answered for you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not just recently but at anytime in
your life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What have you asked Him
for that He has given you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It could
even be the life you have right now, the breath you are breathing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not one breath is guaranteed; therefore
every breath we have is a gift from God.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Following the logic in 2 Samuel 14.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If God grants just one request we make
of Him, if He gives us just one thing in our entire lives, then He accepts
us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t say this changes
things in my life, I won’t make this blog too dramatic; But that does give me a
little bit of hope, it makes me happy to realize and to see another way I can
know that I am accepted by God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
don’t have to earn His acceptance; He’s already given it to me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXeZnpGcIScNQ_nmBwx0Uz8ojgEZpcAvxtFoRW3j1kyPMSgiYcC2hrCaqxoOxVjhexPv1hO5M37_lXbukW-vLAX84MHQVuZt0lWU5qyfZCF8kXr50d0hoSTfYgEselfixyESHFkMNw50I9/s1600/beatles.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXeZnpGcIScNQ_nmBwx0Uz8ojgEZpcAvxtFoRW3j1kyPMSgiYcC2hrCaqxoOxVjhexPv1hO5M37_lXbukW-vLAX84MHQVuZt0lWU5qyfZCF8kXr50d0hoSTfYgEselfixyESHFkMNw50I9/s1600/beatles.jpg" height="152" width="320" /></a><o:p> </o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In closing and in the words of Ringo Star,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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“Peace and Love, Peace and Love.”</div>
Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-39045734912026541572014-04-29T19:44:00.000-07:002014-04-30T07:12:44.818-07:00Life is not a battle.<div class="MsoNormal">
I am not in the middle of a battle.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That felt good to write, to say out loud as I wrote it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For years I have been told that life is a battle, especially
in the contexts of spirituality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>“Everyday is a battle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are
going to fight for God or for the devil?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Statements like that (Which I just made up for the sake of my argument)
have made challenging times seem more challenging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When life gets tough I typically think to myself, “well,
you’re losing this one” and I immediately feel worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What if life wasn’t a battle to be won or lost?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What if life was just life, a series of
days and times and events and laughs and tears and love and hate and life?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Christians, we know that death is
not the end.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We subscribe to the
belief that there is an after-life and we will either spend eternity in heaven
or hell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, if death is not the
end, if death is not considered a loss, why do we think our lives have to be
such a struggle to win?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
not something about prosperity; I’m not talking about that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe this is more for emotional
things, like depression or loneliness or something.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZLxlD-ByHL9aRWfnqZA0AtZfLuzveJXPk6VEjhIDUEy9YF9Tm8oJ12d19MapnUZIbLQEDWhLW-wl4wXpIDYZPh8Dft4FBWslPcbgEGge5bpO-zrljM-eVptGT7RyD1EqxRPTTrJopmUYd/s1600/battle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZLxlD-ByHL9aRWfnqZA0AtZfLuzveJXPk6VEjhIDUEy9YF9Tm8oJ12d19MapnUZIbLQEDWhLW-wl4wXpIDYZPh8Dft4FBWslPcbgEGge5bpO-zrljM-eVptGT7RyD1EqxRPTTrJopmUYd/s1600/battle.jpg" height="193" width="320" /></a>You wake up and are immediately immersed in a fight, a fight for the day, a fight for your life. Every decision you make, every thought you have, every word that comes out of your mouth is another chance to win or lose. It's stressful, you have to constantly be ready to defend your position, to fight for your victory everyday of your life, there is never a moment of rest or peace. That doesn't sound like a life I want to live.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Donald Miller wrote in a book about a lecture he went
to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The man speaking said that
more people are dying from non-terminal cancer's each year in the United States than need
to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reason? Their mentality
towards their illness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The popular
belief is that when the “C” word is given as diagnosis that you are
automatically thrown into the midst of an epic battle between yourself and
cancer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The patient believes they
have to fight to survive and because of this perceived mentality of a battle that needs to be won or lost, there are
people who give up because they don’t think they can win the battle, they
don’t think they have the strength to fight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In most of these cases, the cancer was not terminal, the
patient had very little to zero risk of dying but their emotional state
propelled their bodies into a place of immediately raising the white flag in defeat and so they succumbed
to the perception of their current state.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I just wonder if the same is true in life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Am I succumbing to the perception I have?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I wake up and I can’t wait to
take on the day; I have my to-do lists made, I have my schedule set, I have the
coffee maker ready to go, I am going to dominate life on that day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then there are days I don’t want to get
out of bed till Noon and I beat myself up because of it, I immediately check
out and say “You lost today, buddy.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>From my perception of life being a series of battles to win or lose, I
am taking on negative perceptions to life and I can be sure to lose whatever
perceived battle I think I am in.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I say, get the entire mentality of life being a battle out
of your head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life is life and
there are good days and there are bad days but life is not a battle and you don’t
have to fight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All you have to do
is live.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s hoping you live a
life of joy and happiness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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- Cheers.</div>
Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-24929272482409376852014-04-08T19:32:00.001-07:002014-04-09T07:29:04.158-07:00Why I think being Needed could be a bad thing.<div>
Being needed is an interesting thing. An interesting relationship between you, the person who is needed, and whomever the person or people are that need you. It's an interesting dynamic, being needed. When you're needed it's almost like a high or something similar. There is a deep part of each person which craves the feelings and emotions that come with being needed by someone else. What is unfortunate about being needed is that the need can actually kill you. When relationships are out of balance, the need is the only thing that keeps you in a relationship. I am not specifically talking about romantic and intimate relationships, it could be relationships with co-workers or friends or family members or lovers or even jobs and volunteer positions. The problem with being needed and being the source which fills the void is that inevitably the emptiness, the void, the thing which needs you will one day be filled or satisfied and then you will have to change and adapt to fill in the other area's where there is a void or a need. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What you need instead is to be wanted. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
When you're needed you are acting within a performance based mentality. When you cannot fulfill your duties of being the solution you will be discarded and left for dead. But when you are wanted, there is no need to perform, there is no need for a performance review, there is zero possibility of being dropped, being kick to the side, being left for dead, being discarded for something or someone else. You are wanted and no one and nothing else will satisfy that want.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
My Pastor told me years ago while we were talking about the status of the relationship I was involved in, "Anthony, so long as you need her, you'll never have a good relationship." At the time, I didn't understand what he was saying and it's still difficult to wrap my head around the concept, but tonight as I was driving to a local coffee house to work I had the thought "You don't want to be needed, you want to be wanted."</div>
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In my life, I can see where almost all of my decisions have been based off my desire to be needed. In the spirit of being transparent, there is a new young adult ministry that launched at the church I work for. In the staff meeting when our Pastor announced the new Saturday night service, I felt "lead" to volunteer myself as the young adult stage manager. I am employed by the church in the main services as the stage manager and felt the new young adult ministry would need my ability and my services as well. Obviously at the moment I didn't say to myself, "They need me. Go volunteer your time so you'll feel needed and complete." At the time I thought I was hearing the "voice of God." Actually it was some deep, dark, unidentifiable void in my life that was craving to fill the void, it was craving the feelings of being needed. </div>
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After some time volunteering for this ministry I have lost my grace for it. Every moment I spend "filling the need" I become discouraged and agitated and bitter. Is it because I've lost my grace for the position or is it because I sought to volunteer myself in order to feel needed and when those feelings didn't reciprocate I began feeling angry and alone and lonely and upset and bitter and feeling like I was missing something. Let it be known that I am not writing about or referring to anyone expect myself.</div>
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I throw myself into a relationship or a situation or position to feel like I am needed and when I do so from a wounded or broken place or an unhealthy place of being needed the entire situation or relationship or scenario is destined to fail and come crashing down around me.</div>
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John was not the "disciple whom Jesus needed." I don't think Jesus needed anything or anyone. John was the "disciple whom Jesus loved." To love someone is not to need them, to love someone is to want them.</div>
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In my relationship with Jesus I live out of the place of needing Him. We are trained to need God and we do need Him. But a relationship should never begin from a place of need, a relationship should begin from a place of want. We preach and teach and tell people that they need Jesus in order to gain access into Heaven and avoid the flames of hell. This is true, but I don't know if I want to live my life from a place of need with consideration to my relationship with Jesus or anyone for that matter. I have always been a struggling follower of Jesus and I cannot help but wonder if that is because I have needed Him for too long. I need Jesus when I'm having a bad day. I need Jesus when I'm sick or when I'm tired or when I don't have enough money or when I'm this or that. What if I wanted Him instead. No matter what was happening in life or how I felt I just wanted Him.</div>
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The truth is I have always needed you, the reader of this blog. I have needed to look at the statistics to see how many people were reading my blogs so that I could feel like I wrote something good or popular or true or helpful. Maybe I don't need you. </div>
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Eh, maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm the crazy one. Maybe you've been living your life out of the constant need to be needed or a feeling that you need someone or something else when actually you don't. You might want that someone or something else, I suppose that's fine. But what if you stepped away from that person, place, or thing because you actually didn't need it/them at all. </div>
Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-36866839588692101652014-03-22T21:32:00.001-07:002014-03-22T21:32:18.531-07:00Barefoot Bryan From Austin. The Final. PART SIX"Well brother, is it okay if we pray with you?" I said.<br />
"Sure man, that's okay."<br />
<br />
We all stepped a little bit <span style="font-size: x-large;">closer</span>. I prayed for healing and for a <span style="font-size: x-large;">home</span>, a place to live, for a job, for protection, for blessings, for prosperity, and some <span style="font-size: x-large;">other stuff. </span> We all opened our eyes and looked around.<br />
<br />
"You're our <span style="font-size: x-large;">brother</span> man. <span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;">We're all brothers."</span> I said. "And I love you Bryan, you are my brother, man."<br />
"Yea, we're brothers." Bryan said.<br />
"So what's the deal, man? What are you up to tonight?" I asked.<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>"I'm just trying to find a blanket or something so I can go to sleep. It's getting cold out here." </i></span><br />
"Well man, I don't have a blanket or anything but you can have my shirt. This thing is pretty warm." I started to take off my flannel shirt.<br />
"Yea man, really? Sure."<br />
<br />
I took of my flannel and handed it to Bryan, I had a thin t-shirt on underneath anyways.<br />
Bryan started putting the shirt on and buttoning it. It looked better on him.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">"It looks good on you, man." I said.</span><br />
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Bryan looked down at the shirt and looked back up. He had this smile, he smiled out of the right corner of his mouth and when he smiled his eyes stopped blinking for that brief moment. He almost resembled a younger Jim Carrey, only bald.<br />
<br />
"Shaba cornpattyshdfkrn bhaninnytitorowend shoobapootybugndgfskehdfh. <span style="font-size: x-large;">I just blessed you all in the Spirit." Bryan said.</span><br />
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"Thank man. Well, we've got to get running Bryan. Stay safe man, we're praying for you. We love you brother." I said.<br />
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We all shook his hand and walked a few steps away.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Hold on, man. Now it's my turn." Jon-Paul </span>said and ran back to where a <span style="font-size: x-small;">little</span> <span style="font-size: large;">asian</span> woman had been crouched down and sitting in the corner of the homeless shelter. <span style="font-size: large;">She had a small bed sheet wrapped around herself </span>and she was shaking the whole time we were talking to Bryan. Jon-Paul leaned down and started talking to her. She didn't seem to respond to him. He asked if he could pray with her and if there was anything he could give her. She never moved or said a word. He prayed a quick prayer and joined Nathan and I and we wall walked back towards the heart of Sixth. We couldn't decide what we wanted to do, nothing seemed right but we also knew we didn't want to go back home just yet. We ended up just walking around for a bit, watching people walk by in their drunkenness. <span style="font-size: large;">There was one guy walking down the middle of Sixth with a massive rolled up J smoking down his </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">weed</span><span style="font-size: large;">. </span><br />
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We ended up standing in the middle of Sixth at some intersection, arms crossed, just looking around, not saying anything about anything. We stood there for at least fifteen minutes.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"I want to go back to the homeless shelter." Jon-Paul said.</span> Nathan and I agreed with him but none of us moved from where we were standing. Finally we decided to head back to the car and drive home.<br />
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It was after we all got home and I was in my bed, looking at my phone, that Jon-Paul text me and Nathan and told us about the drunk driver. A man who was drunk was trying to drive away from the cops and he drove right into a crowd of people, killing two and injuring twenty-two. <span style="font-size: x-large;">That happened just around the block from where we were standing and it happened minutes after we walked to the car.</span><br />
Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7135635223560106310.post-1978271901441416132014-03-22T01:00:00.000-07:002014-03-22T06:17:39.752-07:00Barefoot Bryan in Austin. PART FIVE.<div align="center" class="Body" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><u><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">"Shaba blah blah blah, begoshington
joodortoington humbhumbhoomy."</span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">
</span></u><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">Shoeless in <span style="color: #45818e;">Austin</span> said again.</span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;">
</span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">"There man, I blessed you again."</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"Thanks brother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What's your </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">name</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> man?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"Bryan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">name</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> is Bryan, man."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"Bryan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>My </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">name</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> is Anthony."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I shook his <u>hand</u> officially.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: medium;">"Well that's cool bro.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">I mean that sucks that you got </span><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;">run</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> out
like that.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">I work at a church over
in Killeen, about an hour from here.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: medium;">It's a pretty cool place, it's called </span><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: x-large;"><u>Destiny</u></span><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">Yea, I just moved here from </span><span style="font-size: large;">New</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">York</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> about SIX months
</span><span style="font-size: large;">ago</span><span style="font-size: medium;">."</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"So you're homeless man?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bryan from Austin said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"</span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">No</span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> man, </span><span style="color: #f1c232; font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I'm not HOMELESS.</span><span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"> </span></span> <span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: medium;">I've got a place to live in
Killeen.</span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'; font-size: medium;">It's about an hour from
here."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"What are you doing here then?" <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"I just came down with some friends to check
out the City of AUSTIN. AUSTIN CITY. AUSTIN CITY TEXAS. TEXAS. AUSTIN TEXAS and the </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><strike>SXSW</strike></span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> festival."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: medium;">"Why?</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">
</span><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;"><i>Are you doing drugs or something?"</i></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"No, man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don't do that sort of </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;"><u><strike>stuff</strike></u></span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We just came down to hang out."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: large;">Jon-Paul and Nathan walked up</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> behind me </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: large;">and joined
us.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"Hey Bryan, these are my friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is <span style="color: #990000;">Jon</span>-<span style="color: #073763;">Paul</span> and <span style="color: #38761d;">Nathan</span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jon-Paul, Nathan, this is </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: x-large;">Bryan</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Bryan and Jon-Paul and Nathan shook hands. </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Bryan and Jon-Paul and Nathan SHHHHOOOOOOK HAAAANNNNDDDSSSSS!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">We all talked for a minute or two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked to my left, around the
concrete column.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I noticed another
</span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">white</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> man, homeless with a big </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">grey beard</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">, standing there listening to our
conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had a </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: large;"><u>crack pipe
</u></span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">in his hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"I was run out of town man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was at two </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">churches</span></span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: medium;"> and they each
joined forces and ran me out of town. </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">
They stole</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> all my sermons and they emptied my </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: large;">bank accounts </span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">and they
spread </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">lies</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> about me to everyone and they stole my </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: large;"><u>phone number</u></span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> so it looked
like I never had that </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: large;"><u>phone number</u></span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> and they hacked into my Facebook page and
changed everything, man. </span><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;">THEY CHANGED EVERYTHING MAAAANNNN! </span><span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS; font-size: 14pt;">They took
</span><span style="font-family: Comic Sans MS;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">everything.</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> They called me a false
prophet but they were the false ones, man. There's an anti-christ coming up man."<o:p></o:p></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">All of the sudden a </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">black</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> homeless man raaaannnnnn up on
our </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-small;">group</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: medium;">"What's up brother's?</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">How y'all doing tonight?</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">I just need something man, just something.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="color: #f1c232; font-size: x-large;">I've been shot five times </span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">and they
still can't take me out."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">He lifted up his shirt and pulled down his pants a
little bit and showed us the scars he had on his body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn't tell if they were scars and
wounds from bullets or not and so I had to </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">take his word for it</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He took my hand, tilted his head down,
and rubbed my fingers across a series of </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">bumps on his skull.</span><span style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"Dang man!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You've been shot </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: large;">FIVE</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">. 5. </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-small;">FIIIVVEE</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">. </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">CINCO.</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> FIVE TIMES?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What happened?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">He showed me all the scars again and made me feel
the bumps on his skull...AGAIN.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-small;">"They can't get me. They shot me five times. They can't get me." He said.</span><span style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Then he asked if he could pray for Bryan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bryan agreed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He stepped up </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: large;">one step</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> and took Bryan's hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"Lord God keep </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">him</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: large;">off</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> of those </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">drugs</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> and
keep him </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-small;">clean</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">, </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Lord</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Keep him off
of those drugs </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Lord</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Aaaammmeeeennnnnn."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: medium;">No-name stepped back down.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">I turned</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> towards him and shook his
hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"What's your name brother?"<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"SHHHHHHH.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ain't got no name."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He said and then </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">winked</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> at me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">He stepped up and shook Jon-Paul and Nathan and
Bryan's hand's and then </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">walked</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> away. He Walked Away. </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Walked</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> Away. Away.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"Yea man, that's crazy."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I said to Bryan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to look into Bryan's eyes, I
tried to get him to keep </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">eye contact</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He would just blink and turn his head from </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">side</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"> to </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">side</span></span><span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"Yea.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They ran me out man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There's an anti-christ coming up, a false prophet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jude 9:9 says that Michael and the
devil are going to fight over the </span><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="font-size: x-large;">body of Moses man. </span> <span style="font-size: medium;">There is something coming, there's an anti-christ coming up
man.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">You have to stay protected,
</span><span style="font-size: x-large;">you have to pray psalm 91 man.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">God
will look out for you, God will send His angels to keep you protected, man.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">You have to pray that.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">I was anointed man, anointed an apostle
by </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">the</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">prophet Elijah</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> on the AUSTIN CITY bus, man.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">
</span><span style="font-size: medium;">He anointed me and made me an apostle and </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">gave a $ Dollar Bill $, man.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">Then the other day God told me to take
off my shoes and throw them into street and not to wear any shoes for forty
days, man.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">Those </span><span style="font-size: large;">pastors</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> were
</span><span style="font-size: x-large;"><strike>sick</strike></span><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">They would take their wives
and other women and force them into </span><span style="color: #990000; font-size: x-large;">group sex parties</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> every night and if the women refused they would threaten to </span><span style="color: #990000; font-size: x-large;">neuter their husbands.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">Even little girls man, </span><span style="color: #990000; font-size: x-large;">group sex</span><span style="font-size: medium;">, they
are evil, man and they took everything from me.</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;">They stole my sermons and ran me out."</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-size: medium;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">"That's good, man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My parents used to always pray Psalm 91 over us kids before
we left the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That's good
stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that's crazy, bro."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Bryan sort of looked at me and then looked at Jon-Paul and Nathan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Thoughts on my study of the bible.http://www.blogger.com/profile/00024537578934093968noreply@blogger.com0